


Boyfriend Material

by Klen



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: All will be well in the end, Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, original male and female characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:16:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6528886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klen/pseuds/Klen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles has a boyfriend. Derek doesn't take the news as well as he would have liked.</p><p>Taking place after Season 3 and going its own way from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How it all started

**Author's Note:**

> I started this more than an year ago and have decided it is about damn time I finish it.

The first time Stiles smelled different, Derek thought it was just the result of being in a new city. So many unfamiliar people and so many places were bound to have some lingering effects. Stiles had moved to college in a neighboring town but he was still close enough to make sure he didn't miss a thing on how life went about in Beacon Hills. Which was as usual - hectic.

Nothing would really top the whole fiasco with the Nogitsune anytime soon but no one was willing to bet on it. They knew better. They would be fools not to. Everyone just hoped the peace would last long enough for them to enjoy a breath of normality and patch-up some wounds. God knew they needed it.

So a whiff of an unfamiliar scent was unpleasant but surely nothing to get overworked for. Or at least that was what Derek kept telling himself. It wasn’t really working all that well for him.

"Hey, do you wanna go watch a movie or something?" Stiles asked while he made himself comfortable on Derek's couch. He had just let himself in like he owned the place. But this was mostly what everyone did. And it was not like Derek had been surprised. He had heard Stiles' jeep from two blocks away. He had counted the stairs with each step the boy took to climb to his apartment.

"No!" He growled and tried to keep his frown on. It was getting harder and harder these days. Peace wasn't doing him any good in being adamant with keeping a cold facade. He was getting soft. His traitorous eyes wandered from the book he was failing to read to the boy's pouting face. Derek gulped. Stiles had one luscious lip pulled out.

"Come oooon.” The boy made that over exaggerated gesture with his hands. “You have nothing else to do. It's boring just sitting around. Let's do something!" His voice ended on a pleading note. He was getting desperate and they both knew that Derek wouldn’t hold for much longer if a few more begging looks were thrown his way.

"Why don't you go 'do something' with your best friend instead of pestering me?" Derek tried as a last resort.

"Scott's with Kira and Lydia is doing something girly with her mother and Isaac ... well you know how he is."

Yes. They all knew how Isaac was. Sad and bitter. They had all been like that for a long time after Allison's death. They were finally starting to get out of the mourning but they all knew it would take Isaac longer than any of them. It was good that Scott had Kira. Lydia had taken it just as bad as Isaac but she had some amazing survival powers. Everyone could see she was forcing herself to move on but she finally made it, with the force of her sheer will. It had been three months after the funeral when she had laughed for the first time. She had burst out in tears seconds after that.

"Can I ... just hang around here then?"

It was a strange turn of events. Derek wasn't used to hearing uncertainty in that voice. The boy would just usually plead and beg and beg and plead until things got his way in the end.

So Derek took a good look at Stiles and saw a glimpse of the terrified, exhausted youth who had hosted an evil spirit in himself longer than anyone should ever have to. Right after the incident he had been skittish, uncertain and almost terrified to be left alone. It had begun to ease off with time but there was still something lingering in the way he carried himself or flinched at unknown sounds.

"Is your father working a shift tonight?"

"Yeah." And he still hated to stay alone.

"Just ... try to keep quiet, please." Derek almost begged but at the same time resigned himself with a heavy sigh.

"Sure I'll keep quiet. You won't even know I'm here. I'm just gonna lay back and read something on my laptop. All in my head, no sounds to be made. You will even forget I'm around and you'll stand up in an hour and you'll be like - 'Hey Stiles I didn't know you were still here?' Cus I'll be that quiet. Even my breathing will be so quiet that ... awwwww … what the …?" A book hit him right in the shoulder and made him shut up in order to start rubbing at the sore spot.

"Say one more word and I swear I'll throw you out the window Stiles."

"Hey Der-bear don't be mad. I'll just go upstairs and get out of your way so that you can brood all you .... awwwwww!!! Fuck that hurt!"

He might have been fine if he hadn’t started ranting again while going up the stairs. The third book got him right in the back of the head.

***

Derek's nostril's flared. The scent was so rich, so vibrant and filling that his head swayed. He was burring his face in the sheets before he even knew it. It smelled like something sweet but sour at the same time. Like lemon drops and earth, enveloping him and making him burn. It smelled like lust and a tint of sadness, it smelled like Stiles. Like Stiles who had been napping in his bed till a few minutes ago when his dad had called him and made him leave in a rush. Like Stiles who had gathered all the pillows like he owned the place and then just left the sheets in a complete and utter disarray as if Derek was obliged to clean up after him.

As if Derek could ever wash those sheets ever again.

The first time he had allowed himself to take a deep whiff of the lingering scent Stiles had left after himself Derek had been appalled at himself. Appalled and so turned on that he had stayed away from the boy for a week because he didn't trust himself with being around him.

The second time he had found his sheets in the same disarray he had promised himself that this would be the last time. He would just take another whiff, satisfy his lunatic craving for that decadent smell and be done with it. In the end his biggest mistake had been lying down between the pillows. His brain had short-circuited and this had been when he had known - he would never be able to deny himself that pleasure ever again. He might not have been able to have anything more but at least this ... this he could have.

By now it was his own guilty pleasure. His own dark little secret. And for once, it was a secret different than the chains of a dark past.

He didn't even give it a second thought before he was burring his nose between the pillows, his hand working frantically at the belt of his jeans. It didn't take him long. Just a few firm strokes and a dozen deep breaths and he was coming, deep and shell-shaking and completely inappropriate.

The first few times he had been so angry at himself he had clawed at his own damn bed. Now ... now he cursed himself at being so impatient and lust-crazed that he got his bedspread covered in jizz. It meant he would have to wash the sheets.

Damn it!

***

The second time Derek caught the lingering scent of someone unfamiliar on Stiles it was not just him who noticed.

“Hey have you seen Ryan lately?” Scott asked while they were looking over some old plans of the town’s pluming system. They had been chasing after an unfamiliar scent which always ended in some sewer. There was an immediate crash after the question and everyone lifted up incredulous eyes to Stiles who had just massacred a whole chemistry set of empty bottles and was looking at them with panicked eyes.

“What? Who? If I had seen who … what?” He shot back so fast that it was almost an intelligible jumble. Not very different from the usual but still strange.

“Ryan? The guy you introduced me to when I came by your dorm? What was he in … a neighboring room or something? We had dinner together? You know – Ryan?”

“Ahhh … you mean Ryan. Man why didn’t you say so.” Stiles laughed nervously and not only Derek’s eyebrows got lost in his hairline.

“So? Have you seen him?”

“Of course I’ve seen him. We practically live door to door. Why would you ask?”

“You smell like him a lot lately.” If everyone wasn’t looking at Stiles already they would have noticed the way Derek’s eyes flashed blue for a second. “He had this distinguishable herbal scent. I couldn’t place it for a while but now when we were at Deaton’s a scent like that hit me and I remembered.”

“Ah yeah, well we hang out sometimes.”

“That’s cool man, making friends at the new place. He seemed like a nice guy.”

“Yeah. Yeah he is.” Stiles answered in a quiet voice and there was something wistful in his eyes.

Derek realized he was holding the table a bit too tight. His nails left five crescent shaped marks on the polished surface and he pretended he didn’t have the urge to reduce it to shreds. If only he was as convincing to himself as he was to the others his life might have been just a tad bit easier.

***

He wasn’t really deluding himself. He was just not openly admitting it. And what use would there be even if he did?

Stiles was open and energetic, positive and charming. The boy was like a beacon of light and noise and passion about everything he did. He didn’t even realize how everyone kind of gravitated around him. Like he was their center, their core. How his mood affected almost everyone around him. How close to utter panic everyone had been by the mere thought of losing him either body or soul to that damn spirit which had driven Derek nearly mad with worry.

Stiles was their sun. Their fragile, sassy, freakishly adorable sun. And Derek had absolutely no idea how to approach it without getting burned.

*** 

Now that he had a name for the scent it was getting exceedingly hard for Derek to ignore it. It really was something herbal and a bit too heavy and smoked and he hated it on Stiles’s skin, his clothes, his hair, his everything.

Before going to college Stiles had smelled a lot like him. Especially after he had started hanging out at Derek’s place like it was his second home or something. And Derek loved it. He loved the way it made his apartment more homey and lived in. He loved the way he could recognize which pillow Stiles had commandeered for one of his extremely ungallant sitting positions. He loved the way he was tracking both their scents when he was looking for the boy. Which was more often than he cared to admit. Of course there were also Scott’s scent and Lydia’s. But they were all pack. And Stiles smelled like him the strongest. Like he was special. Like they were … together.

He didn’t anymore. Now he smelled like the detergent he used at his dorm mixed with his aftershave and the abominable new smell called Ryan.

“You know we might have to stay here for a few hours.” Derek said over his shoulder while crouching next to the pumping-shaft the trail had led them to.

“Well, I suppose I could have found something better to do this weekend than to breathe fumes from the sewer for the better part of the day.” Stiles answered with his usual sass but there was no real heat behind his voice.

“You don’t have to stay. The chance of this thing we are chasing taking this trail again so soon is very slim anyways.”

“Nah, here or at your place, what difference does it make?”

“I suppose the difference would be having some furniture to sit on instead of crouching by the wet pavement.”

“What good would it do me when you wouldn’t be there?”

And Derek had nothing back to say to that. He tried not to see too much into comments like these. Stiles was just trying to spend as much time with them as possible while he was home. And Derek was blessed to be counted among the people he wanted to share that time with. Derek was trying to send him away because it was the right thing to do, not because he wanted it. What he wanted was far from right and decent.

“But damn, evenings are getting cold around here.” Stiles shivered and enveloped himself with his arms. “I’m not really sure I’m ready to let the summer go.” He looked around and his eyes lingered on the waning trees.

“Here.” Derek had already taken off his leather jacket and was handing it to the boy. He really just wore it because it gave him a certain look, not because he actually needed to keep warm or anything. Yeah ok, he was vain like that and it was the least of his many faults.

“Wow, The Jacket, really? The I-just-came-out-of-the-Terminator jacket? Wow Der-bear, I’m touched. Am I bad-ass or what?” Derek shot him a small smirk and answered with a flat voice which berated the meaning of the words.

“Yeah, you look terrifying.”

“Hey, don’t judge big man. Not everyone can pull of handsome and menacing like you do while wearing that. Cut us silly mortals here some slack.”

“Stiles, shut up.”

“No can do big man. You’re stuck with me for a couple of hours, remember?”

“I do now.”

“It smells like you.”

“What?” Derek’s head whipped up so fast he almost brought himself whiplash.

“The jacket, it smells like you. Like duh, of course it would. It’s just … I’ve missed this scent.”

And Stiles buried his nose in the high collar, closed his eyes and took a deep whiff. It was good that he wasn’t looking because Derek’s legs gave out and he had to steady himself with one knee to the damp pavement.

He couldn’t even count the times he jerked off to that jacket smelling like him and Stiles afterwards. Or the blissed out look on Stiles face when he was breathing it in. When he was breathing Derek in.

***

“So you coming or what?” Scott asked while putting some clothes in his backpack. Derek paced around the room and tried to look like he was really arguing about this and hadn’t said ‘yes’ to the idea in his head more than twenty times already.

“He will be back in just two days afterwards.” He answered in an adamant voice.

“Yeah but it’s his birthday man. It will be the first time he won’t be home for it. I’ve been to every of his last 15 birthdays. I don’t wanna miss one now when I can so easily be there. Lydia is coming too. Though I’m not really sure if it’s for Stiles’s birthday or for shoe-shopping in the mall there.”

“What about Isaac?” Scott halted in his movement and a painful look crossed his face.

“Said the usual – that he didn’t want to get together with too many people yet.”

“Then maybe I should stay with him.”

“You know there won’t be much of a difference even if you did. Besides, I reeealy need the ride.” And Scott gave him one of his puppy-dog looks that even Derek hated to admit were a pretty powerful weapon.

“Fine, but I’m not buying him a present.”

“I’m sure you will be a big enough present.”

Yeah, Derek wished.

***

Stiles hadn’t been home in nearly a month. Had something to do with exams and reports and whatever they did there. Point was that Derek was getting out of his mind with need to smell, see and touch the boy. When every lingering scent had worn off in his apartment he had even gone to Stiles’s house and snuck up in his old room like the old creeper he was. He had been supposed to take just one whiff to get his hackles to calm down. He had ended up stealing the boy’s pillow and a T-shirt.

So he didn’t really feel like going to a noisy, unfamiliar place, filled with loud college kids. But it meant seeing Stiles two days early and that was all the incentive he needed to jump in his car and nearly shout at Scott to fucking choose a shirt already. ‘There is no fucking difference between the blue one and the blue-green one anyway. Just get inside the fucking car.’ He tried to calm himself down by imagining burning both shirts and making Scott wear the awful lavender sweater he had stuck at the back of his drawer and thought no one knew about.

Scott knew that Stiles was gathering his college friends in his dorm room for something like a party so the plan was to get there at some point and surprise him. What Derek had expected to be something of a small gathering was actually a full blown party which started two halls away from Stiles’s room. There were people drinking in the hallways and music blasting from way too many places to be anything but noise.

He was a bit smug to notice that even with this entire hustle and bustle people were still actually parting to open up the way for him. Maybe the fact that he was, as always, dressed in black leather from head to toe, had his trademark three-day old stubble and was wearing a noticeable frown had something to do with it. Even if the frown was induced from the headache he was fast developing from all the noise.

He was taking full breathes, his nostrils flaring with each intake trying to catch the boy’s scent. It was there but mixed with so many others that it was impossible to follow.

“Took you long enough.” He wasn’t even surprised he hadn’t smelled Lydia leaning at the wall at this point. He was too concentrated on trying to sniff out Stiles.

“Hey, when did you get here?” Scott went to her with an exited bounce to his step. It seemed like all the commotion was rubbing off on him in a way very different from what it was doing to Derek.

“Like an hour ago.”

“Did you see Stiles? Man now he knows we are coming. Damn, we should have come earlier.”

“And whose fault is it that it took us hours to pack for a one-day trip?”

“Don’t get all your panties in a twist.” Lydia interjected. “I haven’t seen Stiles yet. Well I have seen him but he hasn’t seen me. Wasn’t all that difficult to hide in that crowd.”

“Oh my God guys … what are you … when did you …”

They had been so absorbed in bickering that suddenly Stiles was standing in front of them without anyone noticing, even Derek who looked so stunned to have the boy before him that almost seamed dead to the world for a moment.

They got out of it by shouting “surprise” even if a tad-bit too late. It seemed to work though because Stile’s face split in a huge smile.

He threw himself at Scott first, then at Lydia and then for one glorious, blissful moment Derek found himself with his hands full of one Stiles Stilinski when the boy reached for him next. Derek had to fight the urge to just close his eyes and moan as the rich texture of the boy’s scent enveloped him like a gust of warm air. His nose was buried right at the top of Stiles messy hair and he shivered with images of allowing his fingers to run through it, to pull the boy’s head back, bare the delicious column of his neck and burry his nose at the dip behind the boy’s ear where he could drown in that scent for hours. His hands were almost convulsing in their desire to follow in on his traitorous mind.

And then he was looking straight at Stiles warm eyes which were smiling bright at him and honestly, for a moment there he couldn’t even remember how to breathe.

“Oh my God guys, this is sooooo cool. I can’t believe you’re here. I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“A month is hardly forever Stiles.” Lydia felt the need to correct him even though the small smile on her face told a different story with how happy she was to be here.

“This is perfect. You’ll get to meet everyone. I’ve told them so much about you that at one point they said I sounded like a love-sick puppy.”

“Yeah we’ve seen that.” Scott piped in and threw a meaningful look between Stiles and Lydia. Stiles hit him on the shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah I’m sorry Mr. Romantic, what was this last expression you used to describe Kira’s hair with?” Scott’s eyes widened in horror. “It flows in the wind like a blanket of silk. And her eyes shine like …”

“Heeey Stiles …” Scott practically jumped on him. “It’s the big nineteen man. How do you feel about getting into the last year of your vigorous teenage life, huh?” Stiles just raised an amused eyebrow at Scott’s pathetic attempt to change the subject.

“Well from what I’ve heard from Nina vigorous can hardly even begin to describe it.” Lydia chirped while innocently looking at her nails.

“Wow wow WOW!” The color from Stiles’s face had drawn away stunningly fast. “You’ve been talking with my neighbor? How on earth do you even know Nina?”

“Well someone had to keep an eye on you.”

“You’ve been spying on me?”

“Let’s say that we, or in this case I, just wanted to keep myself well informed. And I dare say I’ve heard some pretty interesting stories about late night visits and muffled noises.”

“Oh my Gooood …” Stiles hid his face in his hands. It had started to grow redder and redder with each word Lydia said. “I’m going to kill Nina. Or better off send an angry werewolf on her. I need a volunteer.”

“What late night visits?” Scott looked adorably confused while Derek grew more stiff by the second.

He had been trying his best not to look overly obvious with how his eyes tracked each of Stiles’s movements and soaked them in. He hadn’t been all that interested in the conversation till now. He had been content to just stay in the corner and be grateful that almost all the people he cared about were right in front of him – safe and happy. Even the blasting music had become less of an irritation and more just background noise. And then Stiles’s pulse had skyrocketed and Derek had started paying a lot more attention to what was being said. And each word was starting to rise his hackles like there was no tomorrow.

“You know it was very eye-opening to hear about this one time you answered the door all disheveled and in just your briefs. Didn’t know you had it in you, really. I am proud of you.” Lydia continued with ruthless calm while Stiles started to give out choking sounds. “And the biggest surprise was who was actually inside.”

“Nina’s dead. She’s so dead. Like the deadest person there will ever be. She won’t even know where it hit her from. They won’t be able to bring her back even with fairy-dust, I tell ya.” Stiles was rambling while Scott looked like he was finally beginning to understand the conversation.

“Wait man, do you have a girlfriend? Why haven’t you told me anything?” Scott looked positively offended by the notion.

“More like a boyfriend from what I heard.” While Lydia’s smirk was close to sinister.

“Actually no, it will be too merciful for Nina this way. She needs to know what happens when you mess with the secret vow between neighbors.” Stiles looked like he was tuning everyone out and plotting a massive revenge.

“A boyfriend?” Scott exclaimed so loud that he even got the attention of some of the people around. Stiles started to stutter which was saying a lot.

“Ok I … I … wouldn’t get that … that far and call it … names. It’s more of a liking to spend time with each other and all.”

“And screw.”

“Goodness Lydia, have some mercy, please! You’re killing me here.”

“Really Stiles I don’t know what the fuss is all about. After all the bitching you did in high-school about your lack of sex life I’d say you would be informing even total strangers once you actually managed to get on board with the sexy.”

“You had sex?” Scott shouted again in stunned disbelief. The people around them started to disperse a bit. They were starting to make quite a scene. “And you didn’t tell me? How could you? I told you everything about my first time with Allison!”

“Ok, anyone got a shovel? Come on, help a man here who urgently needs to dig himself a grave. Have some mercy please!!! This is not the place to talk about that. Actually forget about the place. I don’t want to talk to you guys about this period.”

There was a small commotion while Stiles tried to jump off a window, Scott made sure not to let him and continue bitching about how betrayed he felt and Lydia quickly found herself a drink and enjoyed the show while providing small comments from time to time which only managed to keep things going for quite a while.

Derek on the other hand had his teeth grit so hard he would be able to bite through concrete if he had it in his mouth. Right at that moment he almost wished he did.

***

There were too many people around to keep Stiles away from the party for too long. Soon other people came piling in, introductions were made, drinks were distributed and everyone got ushered in one or another room making it difficult to keep track of who was where.

The moment he entered Derek immediately knew this was Stiles’s room. Even with all those strangers inside, it still had the lingering scent of lemon and earth. Derek had tried to find himself a nice dark corner to hide in but as it turned out all corners were already occupied and none of them were all that dark. He would have scared off the occupants of one of them and commandeered it for himself if he thought it would do him any good.

So instead he found himself trailing Stiles like the tormented puppy he was. Strangely so Stiles felt the need to introduce him to the entire neighborhood. As always people reacted to him with varying degrees of distress. Some stared openly while others laughed nervously and hurried to move away. Derek found it curious to notice that Stiles was suppressing his shit-eating grin with those cases.

“Oh man, half of them are wondering which organ they could sell if that would get them a date with you and the other half are afraid for their lives. Look at them.” And this time he didn’t even hide his smile.

“I don’t think that scaring your friends away is the best way to make lasting relationships in a new place.”

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen you? Even those who think you’ll pull out a gun any minute now from all that leather goodness can’t stop starring at you. I’ll be the king who brought Mr. McHottie to the party and everyone will know it.”

“Glad I could be of service.”

It was not the first time Stiles has referred to Derek’s looks as pleasing. Actually the words he used sometimes were even a bit scary – sexy as Hell, worth salivating for and raising people from the dead with that face - were just a small part of them. But just because Stiles thought he was good looking didn’t mean he actually liked him. He also though Lydia was gorgeous, that Scott was cute and Isaac was downright dashing. So Derek tried not to get such comments too much over his head.

“Oh myyy Goood!” A girl on Derek’s left suddenly exclaimed. “So you’re Derek. Boy, do I see what the fuss is all about!?!” She was small and petite, dark hair, dark eyes but an open, wide smile. The way it stretched over her face with a certain sense of mischief reminded him of Stiles in a way.

“Do we know each other?”

“Man I suddenly wish we did.”

“Heey Nina, I see you’ve met Derek.” Stiles popped up before her. “And by the way you’re so dead. So so dead. I have a bone to pick with you. A big, giant, huuuge bone. So huge the dinosaurs will envy you.” The girl, Nina, didn’t seem too impressed with Stiles’s rant. Instead she gave Derek a once over and shook her head.

“You know Stiles I thought you were pining like a daft girl till now. But I admit it – I was so wrong. You actually haven’t been pining enough if this is what’s on the table.”

Derek had his eyebrows drown together in a seriously confused grimace. She was about to continue speaking but Stiles got her by the shoulders and forcibly steered her right out of the room. The last thing Derek managed to get from their conversation was: ‘Seriously I thought you couldn’t get any deader by now but I was so wrong. So so hideously wrong. I’m going to kill you myself. Come right away with me so that I can do it and bury you in the backyard!’

Derek had no clue what the heck was going on. He was also not happy he was now in a room full of people which had no Stiles in it.

***

The first time Derek knew he was profoundly screwed was when one day Stiles brought home a cat. Derek hated cats. All the dog jokes in the world could not make him deny that he usually acted like any regular cur who faced any regular puss when put in the same space with one. And usually the cats hated him just as much – all hissing and hair on end.

And this time it wasn’t even a good-looking cat or a kitty which people usually went all goo goo gaa gaa over. No, it was a regular, even kind of scrawny, absolutely nothing special about it cat. And Stiles was cuddling it on Derek’s couch. He was laughing and pushing his face in its soft fur.

Derek thought he hadn’t seen anything cuter in his life. And he didn’t even know he had the word “cute” in his vocabulary.

Yeah, he was screwed.

***

“Having fun?”

This time Lydia did not manage to catch him by surprise but Derek still didn’t feel the need to react in any way. He was trying very hard not to just storm off into the night and leave behind all the noise and heavy smells that permeated this place. Until not long ago he would easily succumb to those instincts of his. But nowadays he was trying to act more … normal. Jumping through a three-story window just so that he could get out of here faster just wouldn’t cut it anymore. At least not when Stiles’s reputation was at stake.

May be it had been a mistake coming here in the first place. He had not had the chance to see more of Stiles than he would have had in the family album he knew was stashed in Stile’s room’s second desk drawer. Not that he actually went through it … often. He would have the chance to see Stiles properly in just two more days. There would be no college friends to get in their way then. And Stiles would be lounging on Derek’s couch like he always did. Like Derek needed him to. Not this – he is somewhere in the vicinity – thing.

The werewolf started to slowly make his way through the crowd. He had the intention to go down and just wait in the car. He had just reached the door when the strong smell of herbs hit him and made him weary in a way he couldn’t pinpoint. It wasn’t unpleasant per se but it was way too heavy. Like burring your nose in a bouquet of snowdrops.

Before he had the chance to think what else he couldn’t place in that scent a tall boy was standing in front of him, looking both stunned and surprised while staring at Derek. Then Lydia was standing next to them and seemed to be addressing the newcomer.

“Hey Ryan.” The boy had to blink a few times before he actually turned away from Derek and focused on the red-head.

“Hey, Lydia right?”

“Just right.”

“Did Stiles abandon you too? Man, don’t be too hard on him, everyone’s trying to get him tonight.”

“Well from what I’ve heard it seems you’ve been getting him every other night.” Lydia couldn’t really hide her mischievous smile. Ryan looked surprised for a second before he answered her with a smirk of his own.

“Yeah? He’s really making me work for it. May be you could give me a few tips, huh, how to woo him and all?” He winked and gave an exaggerated lift of his eyebrows. Lydia gave one of her fake laughs though the boy didn’t seem to notice at all. After all she was quite good at them.

“Oh I’m sure I can. And so could Derek here. You haven’t met yet right? Ryan meet Derek. Derek – Ryan – Stiles’s … friend.”

Derek could easily hear the acceleration of the boy’s heartbeat when their eyes met again. He actually had the audacity to bite his lip when he outstretched his hand for introductions. At the same time Derek fought the urge to dig his claws in it.

He wasn’t a fool or blind. Just because he didn’t want to admit it, it wouldn’t make it any less true. And the truth was that Stiles had been smelling of this person more and more the last few months and it had been painfully obvious how he was getting that smell on him. They had met a total of one minute and Derek already hated that boy in ways he hadn’t hated in a long long time. And he knew how to hate. He was quite a master at it.

Ryan was good looking. Basically as tall is Derek. Almost as wide in the shoulders but not with that much muscle. He was more on the lean side. He had clear features, rusty blond hair which reached his shoulders and eyes which were something in between blue and green. And he smiled easily in a way Derek couldn’t in many long years. But his smile wasn’t all joy. It was also seduction and mischief which he was obviously directing entirely at Derek right now.

“You have a very strong grip. It’s good to know all this muscle isn’t wasted. How do you keep in such a great shape?” Derek hadn’t even realized when he had grasped the boy’s hand for a handshake. He was also fairly surprised he hadn’t just reached out on instinct to dig his claws in the other’s throat. On the contrary, he was staring at the boy with almost the same intensity that he was being stared at. Though probably for a massively different reason.

“I train.” He answered simply but this only made the boy smile wider and take a step closer to Derek, unabashedly leaning into his personal space.

“Oh I have no doubt about that.” He whispered and finished with a wink. “And speaking about muscle and strength, I and the boys from next room were just planning to have a small arm-wrestling competition. Wanna join? I think you might just swoop us off our feet.” Ryan gave him a suggestive lift of his eyebrows and another bite to the lips.

“I am not really much into games. It’s nothing personal.” Derek tried to keep it simple. He was used to keeping a low profile.

“Aw come ooon, it’s gonna be fun. I promise I won’t bite … much.”

Derek almost had the urge to laugh out loud. Something dark was brewing in him and he was answering before he had even realized what he was agreeing to.

“Why not.” He was not going to make any promises about not biting though.

***

Derek had no idea if Stiles was just picking up on the habits of all the werewolves around him or if it was something personal reserved for his interactions with Derek only. Of course the man wanted desperately for it to be the second but he wasn’t delusional enough to believe it.

The point was that Stiles had gotten quite touchy-feely with him lately. It definitely hadn’t happened over a night. At first he would just casually lean over Derek’s shoulder when he would reach for something. Or just slouch on the couch in such a way that practically left him glued to Derek’s side. But after a while he would just reach for Derek’s hair and remove a leaf or a twig which had stuck in there in Derek’s forest exploits. And Stiles would just laugh easily while doing it, mocking him good-naturedly about playing fetch. Long fingers would slide in Derek’s hair and he would be left there stunned and tingling like the love-sick idiot he was.

***

Arm-wrestling. With humans. Mind-numbingly boring.

If he wasn’t focusing all his attention on trying to ignore fucking perfect boyfriend Ryan’s scent and entire presence, he might have actually dosed off. But he couldn’t because said bastard was constantly clapping him on the back, or leaning in to nudge his shoulder or practically draping himself over Derek’s side when the man won yet another match without breaking a sweat.

“Oh my God, that’s your seventh win in a row. That’s amazing. None of us seem to stand a chance. No wonder Stiles always says you are the strongest person he knows. Now I see why.”

“I am hardly the strongest. Stiles likes to exaggerate.” Derek answered a bit breathless at hearing the compliment. A compliment Stiles made in front of total strangers, in from of his … boyfriend … for Derek.

“Oh I don’t think he had exaggerated about you one bit. Actually from the looks of it, he might not have done you justice. Wanna go get something to drink? I don’t think you have any competition left here.”

“Sure.”

As much as Derek wanted to claw the face off of this clown who was obviously flirting with him, he also couldn’t find it in himself to just get away from him. This was supposed to be Stiles boyfriend. Or at least someone Stiles was interested in and they spent an awfully long amount of time together.

So what did this little shit have that Derek didn’t? Ok he was fairly good-looking but Derek knew he looked ok too. At least that’s what people told him all the time. He hadn’t really put much thought into it. It had never been important to him. Until now. When he started to wonder would Stiles look his way if he changed something about himself?

Was it the hair? Did he like it blond? Derek could be blond. It was just dye right? How hard could it be? Or was it the body. Ryan and he were almost the same height but Derek was way more muscular. Did Stiles like a leaner frame? Derek had no idea how he could get rid of his muscles. He couldn’t just stop training. It was just as essential to him as breathing. So if Stiles didn’t really like his body there wasn’t much he could do about it.

Or may be it was the clothes? Ryan was dressed with jeans and a white t-shirt. There were some chains and trinkets swinging from the loopholes under his belt. He also wore some colorful bands on his wrists. It made him seem light, cheerful, way more approachable than Derek’s back to black repertoire. But Derek could wear white too. Or red, or whatever. He’d go and buy twenty yellow t-shirts if that would really help in any way.

But it probably wouldn’t. None of it would. Of course Stiles wanted someone easygoing, someone pretty, someone who seemed to be friends with almost everyone currently present at the party. Someone who could flirt and laugh. Someone without the emotional baggage the size of Australia. Of course Stiles wanted someone that just wasn't Derek.


	2. What was his life?

“You really aren’t helping at all!” Stiles said without even looking away from the screen of his laptop. Derek had been pacing around the boy’s room for the last fifteen minutes.

“Can’t this be done any faster?”

“No Derek, I can still not control how fast people on the other side of the planet reply to my e-mails. So no, it can’t get done any faster. We don’t even know if it will get done at all. You know that I will call you the moment I have something, right? You don’t need to make a burning circle in my room while waiting for it.”

“I’ll still have to wait right? What does it matter where I do it?”

“It matters to me because you are starting to make me go crazy. But fine, suit yourself. Just stop asking me the same question every few minutes or I will start throwing things at you. We both know how unproductive that will be but at least it will make me feel better. So don’t tempt me."

Stiles finished his tirade with a threatening wave of his finger. Derek did not think the outburst fit for anything more than a lifted eyebrow. When Stiles saw he wouldn’t get anything more out of the man he mouthed ‘Why me God!’ to the ceiling and took his laptop in order to move to his bed.

“It might be a long night so I’ll get myself comfortable over here. Please don’t consider this as a low in productivity. I can ace this with just my phone while hanging off a branch.”

Derek continued pacing for another fifteen minutes while trying to ignore the amused looks Stiles was throwing his way. At some point even he realized that this wasn’t helping him any so he grabbed a random book from one of the shelves and sat down on the floor under the window to try to get his mind off things. He knew it would be a futile attempt but at least it gave him something to do with his hands.

“You can come sit on the bed too you know. I have lounged on yours enough times to know when it is time to return the favor.”

Oh how Derek wanted to join him. Just plunge himself in Stiles’s covers and drown in Stiles’s scent. It would envelop him all and make him forget about all his troubles, calm his heart and sooth his nerves like nothing else could. But at the same time it would make him hot and wanting. Desperate to reach out and pull the boy into his arms. The temptation would be too much to be anything else but torture.

“Here is fine.”

Stiles gave out a quiet sigh that Derek barely noticed still lust-crazed from the quick fantasy of what it would be like to run his nose from Stile’s stomach to the side of his neck. But when he looked at the boy more closely he also saw the accompanying look that must have went with that sigh. Stiles looked disappointed. He then looked back at his laptop, gave another sigh and in the end just looked resigned.

The book in Derek’s hands stood open on the same page for a long time while the man was trying to understand what had brought that look on Stiles’s face.

Derek stayed seated under the window for many hours. He liked to think he did it because he was waiting for information and not because he was watching Stiles sleep the entire night.

***

It took Derek fifteen minutes to find a good opportunity to slip away from freaking chatter boy Ryan and disappear in the hallway. He moved fast without stopping even though he heard his name shouted once or twice. He found himself in a dark corner in the small yard at the back of the building. There was a street lamp at the corner so it wasn’t as dark and secluded as he would have liked but it was an enormous improvement to all the lights and noises from inside.

He hadn’t planned to run away and he would admit it over his dead body but it was kind of scary inside. He just wasn’t used to so many people. Especially so many people who weren’t afraid of him. Well some were clearly afraid of him but even they weren’t the turn around and run for your life type that he was mostly used to.

He took a few deep calming breaths from the fresh night air. He needed to clear his nose from all the mixed scents and some quite unpleasant aromas which had assaulted him tonight. His ears were also ringing and the chance to reduce all that noise to a low beat was quite a relief.

The biggest evidence to how out of his element he was here was the pure fact that he had lost Stiles’s scent. He could usually track the boy in his sleep. Here he had missed him on two occasions and this was just pathetic. Being in love with the boy made it even more so.

The next deep intake made his breath hitch when it filled his mouth with the tantalizing aroma of lemon drops and earth. Every time it managed to hit him by surprise he reacted like a Pavlovian dog to it. His mouth watered, his ears ringed and his blood went so fast to his cock it was probably worth trying to time it because it would set a record. The sad part was that his reaction wasn’t all that different even when he was expecting it.

“Hey, this is where you were.” Stiles came out of the back door and headed Derek’s way with a wide smile on his face. “I tried calling you in the hallway. Did you really not hear me or did you want me to leave you alone?” He suddenly stopped and made an unsure step back and Derek almost reacted bodily by outstretching his hands.

“No. I mean … the noise was just a bit too much. I needed to get away for a bit. I didn’t know it was you.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of wild. I didn’t really expect so many people would show up.” Stiles moved along the pathway and leaned on the wall next to Derek, their shoulders almost brushing. Derek had to suppress his desire to sigh in relief at having the boy in such close proximity. “You guys really surprised me you know. I really didn’t expect you to come. Not with me coming home in another two days.”

“Scott said he hadn’t missed any of your birthdays since you were five and he wasn’t going to start now.” Stiles gave out a pearly laugh at that.

“Sounds just like him. But why did you come?”

Derek felt his heart spasm in his chest. Of course Stiles didn’t really want him here. Back in Beacon Hills it was ok. It was a different world. A world of the crazy supernatural variety where he fit in perfectly. Where he was kind of almost needed. But here with Stiles’s many new friends who had an absolute zero to do with the supernatural he probably felt good, safe, like the normal teenager he hadn’t been in years. Scott was his childhood friend and so was Lydia but Derek? He was just an unwelcome extension of what his life had turned out to be before he moved to college. And Derek was a big hulking reminder of it in a place where that kind of life should be just a memory.

Derek had his fists clenched and his lips pressed tightly. He could see Stiles’s brows furrow and knew he had to give some sort of answer.

“Ok, judging by your face I think you were thinking of something incredibly angsty right now.” Stiles beat him to it and looked directly at Derek’s stiff face. “Spill.”

“I am sorry if ... I intruded … on …” Yeah, way to go with the articulate response. Suddenly he was feeling out of breath. Had he really misjudged Stiles’s friendliness so heinously that he being here could actually be a problem? The boy was looking at him with a serious face until something seemed to click in his mind. Stiles groaned and slapped his hand on his forehead and then continued to shake his head in exasperation.

“Oh my God! This is so not what I was saying. You are such an idiot sometimes.”

And before Derek could even realize what was happening he had a handful of Stiles Stilinski in his arms. Stiles’s lean body pressed to his in a warm, easy hug. There was no tension in the boy. There was nothing forced or deceitful. He had chosen to embrace Derek all on his own and who was Derek to deny him?

The werewolf couldn’t really fight his instincts at that moment. All he managed was to barely suppress a shiver when he found his nose buried behind Stiles’s ear, lips brushing vibrant skin, lungs full of what was pure Stiles.

It probably lasted just a few seconds. Then Stiles was pulling back. But to Derek it was blissful eternity and he knew he would relive this sensation a million times before he had every little thing catalogued. Every little gesture and press of their bodies together memorized and relived like every other intimate moment he had ever shared with the boy.

Two hugs in one day were proving to be more stimulation than he could handle after the deprivation he had suffered. He was suddenly feeling much too shaken and out of breath. The honest, teasing look he found on Stiles’s face made him even more so.

“Of course I am happy that you are here Der-bear. Don’t go jumping into any conclusions. I just didn’t think you’d _want_ to come. It’s usually enough that you have to put up with me while I am home. I actually feel really flattered. To have the great Derek Hale leave his den to pay me a royal visit. Is the world coming to an end or something? Is this why you are here? To avert another crisis? Just so you know I keep my wolf’s bane in the second drawer in my nightstand so we might have to make a run for it.”

“Stiles shut up.”

He knew that it had been a long time since those words held any real meaning in them. The proof of that was that Stiles just laughed at him and shook his head with a fond smile. Then he started chatting about his studies, his next exam, the food in the cafeteria – obviously they had some amazing curly fries - the stupid bus that always showed up a minute before his schedule and sometimes Stiles missed it, the new Star Wars movie which everyone was dying to see and all the other random things that Stiles managed to talk about without getting out of breath.

Derek could just breathe him in, feel their shoulders brushing and listen to him his entire life. And the thing that made him feel like a complete idiot was that he really thought that would be a good life to have.

***

“Derek! DEREK!”

Derek was on the second floor when Stiles burst into his apartment. It took him three seconds to register everything that was wrong with the boy and make his blood run cold in his veins. Stiles pulse was practically a single beat, his voice panicked and on the verge of hysteric. He was covered in sweat and he was practically trembling all over. There were just a few things which could scare him so much and they all involved the people he loved getting hurt. Derek directly jumped off the railing on the second floor to get to the boy faster.

“Stiles what is wrong?” He couldn’t hold himself back. Feeling panicked himself he reached to grab the boy by the shoulders. He would later tell himself that he had done it to steady him and not because he himself had needed the reassurance of a physical contact.

“Derek my dad. Derek you need to find my dad.” Stiles took hold of Derek’s shirt and his trembling finders made Derek’s muscles flex. “This morning he went on a routine check of the mountain roads. He is supposed to drive around and see if something needs to be reinforced for the winter. But they reported a landslide Derek. I was listening to the police radio and they reported a landslide exactly where he was supposed to be. He is not answering his phone Derek.” Stiles eyes were wet with unshed tears. “He is not answering his phone.”

“Have you called anyone else?”

“No I … this was the first place I thought of.”

Derek was already putting on his shoes and grabbing a rope and a flashlight. He didn’t know how long this would take. He knew the sheriff’s scent pretty well but it had rained last night. Everything was still moist and humid.

“Call Scott and Isaak. Tell them to call me when they head out. We’ll make a search party and cover more ground.”

He was already by the door when he noticed Stiles’s lost look. The boy probably wanted to come too but knew he’d only be a hindrance. It was costing him everything he had not to ask anyways. Derek strode back into the room and pulled Stiles by the back of the neck making their foreheads almost touch and locking their eyes together. When he had the boy’s full attention he tried to put all the promise and conviction in his voice that he could muster.

“I’ll find him.”

Stiles sent him off with tears running down his cheeks and a brave smile. Derek’s chest filled with warmth each time he recalled that look. It had been a long time since anyone had believed in him so wholeheartedly. And he was not about to disappoint.

***

They had been sitting alone outside for at least half an hour. It was a miracle no one had come to look for them yet or another couple trying to escape the hassle from inside hadn’t joined them. Stiles had asked how everyone was doing. He was concerned for Isaak like everyone else. But they had all reached the conclusion that they wouldn’t help him by being pushy. So they were all trying to give Isaak his space but at the same time show him that they were there for him. It was a difficult balance to keep. Especially for Stiles who was away most of the time and had the feeling he was missing out on stuff.

“Everyone tries to tell him that if he needs to talk to someone they are always there.” Derek looked at his hands and tried to swallow the lump that always got stuck in his throat when he tried to talk about feelings. “But it’s not about talking you know.” Stiles had grown silent and Derek knew he had his undivided attention. “It’s about having the presence of the people you love next to you. Knowing that they are still there. Physically. Everyone tells you that the person you lost will always live through your memories. But for us wolves just feeling the warmth of our loved ones can bring us peace like nothing else can.”

“It’s not just with wolves you know. When my mum died for a long time I just needed to feel my dad’s heart. Make sure it was still beating. It’s still one of the best sounds I’ve ever heard.”

There was sad silence between them afterwards. Everyone reminiscing about the ones they’d lost and the pain that would never go away. Derek wanted to slap himself. Well wasn’t that just the perfect topic to brighten someone’s birthday? Leave it to Derek Hale to bring the doom and gloom to the party.

Well it was now or never, Derek thought and reached for his back pocket. “Here.” A little hastily he pushed a small packet in Stiles’s hands. The boy was of course surprised and blinked a few times before he took it. It was wrapped in plain brown paper. At first Derek had thought about asking the cleric at the store to properly wrap it for him but the boy there had looked at him with such silent horror in his eyes that Derek had preferred to get away as soon as possible. It had been left up to him to wrap it and as expected the result was lamentable.

“Der-bear have you bought me a present?” A mischievous smile was forming on Stiles’s lips and Derek knew it would only get worse when the kid unwrapped his gift.

He had haughtily told Scott he wouldn’t be buying a gift but he had had that bought like three months ago. He had planned to give it to Stiles when he returned home and make it look like he hadn’t put that much thought into it. And that could have still happened if he hadn’t delved in the topic of emotional turmoil and personal peril that were their lives. But right now he couldn’t think of anything else which could cheer Stiles up. So he would have to swallow up his embarrassment and deal with it.

“I just saw it and thought you’d like it. Don’t let it get to your head.”

Stiles’s smile only grew while he ripped the paper. The wrappings revealed a small book. “You bought me a book? Like, I’m really touched and I know you love to read but you should also know by now I’m like addicted to Internet and the modern gadgets that …” He finally read the title and after a few silent seconds Stiles burst out in laughter. “ _A 100 dog-jokes you just need to know in your lifetime_. Seriously? Like … seriously?” He toppled back with a new spasm of laughter which brought him to the concrete. Derek was having a really hard time not smiling back.

He had really missed this. He really really had. No one smiled and laughed like Stiles did. So open and so exuberant. So addicting like everything else he did or said. Even some of the most outrageous things that spurred out of that mouth were compelling while from someone else would sound like utter nonsense. Derek looked at Stiles still heaving breaths on the ground and wiping away tears while scrolling through the book. Or Derek was just prejudiced.

“God you are the best.” Stiles gathered himself and, while still hic-upping with small bouts of laughter, leaned up and left a light peck of a kiss on Derek’s suddenly slack jaw.

Yeah, Derek was definitely prejudiced.

***

“You know may be you should just tell him.”

Derek looked back at Chris with eyes that weren’t blood red but projected the sense of imminent death just as well. Unfortunately this didn’t seem to deter his companion. Damn hunters and their lack of respect towards the supernatural.

“No, I mean it, listen to me. He is young and so are you by the way. Don’t give me that look. I know you sometimes act like a grandpa but this doesn’t make you one. You are both so so young. It’s not like you’ll be making a marriage proposal. Yeah it might make things awkward for a while but you don’t see each other so often anymore anyways. Before he is back for his next vacation he’d have forgotten all about it and it would be like nothing ever happened. And that is if, and I mean a big if, he says no.”

Chris was the only one who knew about Derek’s overwhelming feelings towards a certain young individual in their little group. It wasn’t like Derek had told him or anything. But as Chris had explained he was trained to notice those things. They were weaknesses about the enemy. Things he could exploit if he needed a leverage. And even if his life had changed and he and Derek were no longer active enemies Chris was still exploiting them. Because he wouldn’t stop pestering Derek about it each time they got together for a drink.

Chris claimed he had known even before Derek himself. Considering the extremely long period of denial which Derek had succumbed to he was willing to believe that.

“I am not confessing like a love-sick teenager Chris.”

“Oh well, it’s your loss. I’m actually quite happy with this arrangement you know. Because each time you get all mopey after Stiles leaves back for college you come looking for me and I finally have a steady drinking buddy.”

“I have no idea why I’m friends with you.”

Chris gave him a toothy smile and made him drink the rest of his beer in one go.

***

“You remember that time when there was a landslide and dad got stuck in the mountain? I sent you off to look for him?”

They were crouching shoulder by shoulder on the pavement with their backs to the wall. They had been jumping from topic to topic for the last fifteen minutes and none of them seemed to want to point out that there was a party they ought to be returning to.

“Yes.” Of course he remembered. It had taken him two long hours to track the sheriff. His car had slid down a hill and got stuck in the trees below. He had been in no imminent danger but the hill had been too steep for him to climb back up on the road. He had made sure to make enough noise to be heard from the other side of the hill though. Smart man.

“As I sat there in your apartment waiting for you to call I realized something. You know Scott and I had been friends since like forever. I really think of him as a brother and Melissa is the closest thing to a mother that I have right now. But at that moment when I was all panicked and scared … I came to you. I didn’t even call Scott before you set off.”

Derek listened and couldn’t really tell where Stiles was going with this. He couldn’t actually be worried that he had betrayed Scott in any way, could he? He had been too panicked to think rationally in the first place. His father’s safety had always been at the top of his list. And Derek understood that better than anyone else. There were no wrong decisions when acting on the impulse of trying to protect a loved one and no one would fault him for it. Least of all  Scott.

Stiles was playing nervously with his fingers. His scent was starting to shift and with a certain sense of horror Derek realized that the boy was suddenly scared. It took everything Derek had not to reach out and pull Stiles into his arms and shield him from whatever was making him feel that way. The only thing that stopped him was the serious look on Stiles’s face when the boy turned to look at him, still scared but now somehow resolute.

“Somewhere along the way, with all the hellish things we’ve been through, you became someone that I could trust with my life. And most importantly not just my own life but my father’s as well. Sometimes it feels like there is no one else who gets me like you do no matter how ridiculous I am. And we both know that can be quite often. And you are always there for me … grumpy and everything but always there. So what I am trying to say is … what I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time is that … Derek I …”

“So this is where you’ve been hiding.” Ryan shouted from the doorway and made Stiles jump on his place, his heart practically stopping for a few moments. Stiles looked a bit wild-eyed while he busied himself up and turned to face their intruder.

Derek couldn’t stop himself and broke the curb stone he had been nervously clutching at while he listened to Stiles speak. The stone crumpled in his hand and he tried to push it to the side unnoticed when he stood up as well and pretended he wasn’t dying to grab Stiles by the shoulders, turn him towards himself once again and shout – ‘ _You had always wanted to tell me what Stiles? Tell me what_?’

Fuck and fuck again. Stiles had been trying to tell him something. Something important. Something that made him look all serious and flushed and sound all agitated and even a little bit panicked. Something that had taken him courage to try and voice. Something that he was not going to tell him anymore.

And fucking brilliant piece of shit Ryan had just came up and ruined it. Derek had already been accused of murder once or was it twice? Surely it wouldn’t be a big surprise to anyone if he just snapped that little neck and rid them all of this blond waste of space once and for all.

Of course the blond prick had no idea that his life was hanging on a very loose thread right now. He strolled easily to them and took a hold of Stiles’s shirt, pulling the boy a bit to himself, like it was a very casual thing to do.

“Stiles what are you doing here in the dark? Everyone’s been looking for you. It’s time for the cake.”

“Oh my God the cake!” Stiles’s eyes widened almost comically. His heart started beating faster again but this time obviously for a different reason. “I totally forgot about the cake. Nina is going to kill me. She worked on that thing all morning.”

He rushed towards the door as if a beehive was after him only for his head to stick back out at the last moment. “Guys come on. You should be coming too.”

“We’ll be right there.” Ryan called back but Stiles was already gone, his boots rattling up the stairs. “Always such a blizzard.”

Derek had every intention of following Stiles. He had no desire to have anymore alone time with this specimen. His curiosity had already been well satisfied with their previous encounter and he had no desire to torture himself much longer.

So he tried to do just that but his way was suddenly blocked. Ryan leaned on the wall in front of him and sent him one of his crooked smiles that were starting to do some very unpleasant things to Derek’s stomach. And in his current mood that unpleasant feeling was just a breath away from his stomach to the tips of his very werewolf claws.

“No need to rush. It will take them a while to get things ready. We never really got the chance to talk privately you and I.” He leaned back on the wall casually and tucked a blond lock of hair behind his ear without ever breaking eye-contact. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Nothing much to tell. I am not really on the exciting part of life.” Yeah, that could be true … in a parallel universe. “What about you? Are you and Stiles …?”

Fuck! What was he doing? What was he saying? Was he really going to outright ask about their relationship just because he was too chicken to ask Stiles himself? Like the creepy stalker he had been accused of being more than just on a few occasions. And what when the little clown said ‘ _yes, we’re going out’_? What then? Would he say ‘c _ongratulations, wishing you the best time with the love of my life!_ ’ and walk away?

“What about me and Stiles?” Ryan asked with this strange tone of his. More like a whisper. As if they were supposed to be sharing a secret and Ryan really rather enjoyed that.

“Are you two …” Fuck! “… together?” Why was he even doing this to himself? But he couldn’t seem to stop.  Yeah he could play it all noble and say he was doing it for Stiles’s sake. Looking after his back and making sure he was ok. But he felt stupid even trying to lie to himself at this point. He knew he was doing it for himself. Driven by his own twisted need to find some prove that there might still be something for him to fight for. A place in Stiles’s heart that he could take that was more than just the guy he could rely on when evil spirits were trying to devour his soul.

“Why are you asking?” There was a mischievous smile on Ryan’s face and Derek suddenly realized that he was standing awfully close. “You have something on your mind?”

“Sorry. It was not my place to ask.” He had to end this. He had to stop torturing himself and just walk away. Let Stiles live his life and be happy for him. It was something the boy deserved and Derek was going to give it to him even if it tore him slowly to pieces.

Derek started to move away only to be stopped by Ryan completely leaning into him, bracketing Derek’s body with his own.

“Why don’t you let me decide on that?” Werewolf senses or not Derek was totally unprepared and unable to do anything else but stand frozen when Ryan leaned in and kissed him.

It wasn’t a forceful kiss per se but Ryan’s lips were fully over his and Ryan’s tongue tipped out to lick them. It took Derek two awfully, embarrassingly long seconds to get his mind out of the gutter and respond. He grabbed the man by the shoulders and pried him away from himself, continuing to hold him but keeping him at arm’s length just to give himself time to process what the heck had just happened and make sure there would be no more surprises and invasions of his personal space and especially his face.

He barely kept his eyes from flashing blue and his claws from popping out. He was still stunned but anger was quickly gathering in his chest and in the dark secluded clearing they were that was a bad bad thing. Bad for Ryan at least.

In a desperate attempt to calm himself he took a deep steady breath which almost sent him to his knees. Derek’s head whipped around and his panicked eyes locked with Stiles’s wide ones. The boy was standing half out the door, no doubt on his way to come get them when they had not followed, only to stumble upon the following scene. Derek leaning on the wall, Ryan all up in his personal space while they whispered quiet things to each other and then the kiss.

Derek removed his hands from Ryan like he had been burned.

“Stiles …” He turned towards the boy and froze on his place once again by the silent look of utter misery he found in the boy’s eyes. Stiles’s scent of raw, burning pain filled Derek’s lungs and almost manifested in a physical ache by how much he wanted to topple forth and clutch at his chest with how bad it hurt to even breathe it in. He couldn’t move a muscle while he watched Stiles turn around without a work and silently close the door behind him. His steps up the metal stairs echoed in Derek’s head like a drum.

“Well that was awkward.” Ryan’s voice’s was light and mildly disparaging. It snapped Derek back to life even though he could not yet tear his eyes away from the now closed door. Derek found himself clenching his fists so hard that his knuckles made a crunching sound of protest. “I knew Doe-eyes had a thing for me but I didn’t expect him to be so dramatic about me kissing another guy. We had never talked about being exclusive either way. I was very clear about seeing other people from the start. But I guess he couldn’t help it … falling for me you know. I do admit he is very cute. And man, his mouth is just … and those fingers … ”

Derek whirled and slammed Ryan on the wall so hard that the blond crumpled to an unconscious lump in his feet. Too bad Derek couldn’t take any satisfaction in it. All he could do was slump down the wall all the way to the ground and take his spinning head in his hands.

Derek was a werewolf. He did not hyperventilate. Or so he was desperately trying to convince himself while every new breath he took barely reached his lungs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost as far as I have gotten. Thank you for your attention and your encouragement. I will probably go over this chapter again in the future but I decided I have to stop starring at it for the moment and just move on. I do hope you enjoy it.


	3. Words for the soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many apologies for taking this long to update. This chapter was not written when I started and as always it took me forever. Unsurprisingly when I don't have things planned out it turned longer than expected so there will be a bit more to come than the original plan for three chapters. I have it drafted so fingers crossed that I will wrap it up way faster this time.
> 
> As always I hope you enjoy it and please feel free to tell me what you think.

Derek was currently squatting in a dark corner at the back side of Stiles’s dorm building and desperately trying to get all his marbles together. The still unconscious body of Ryan was lying on the ground to his left and he was trying hard not to look at the clown’s face. Whatever semblance of mind he had managed to regain in the last ten minutes since Stiles had walked in on them kissing would evaporate like his wavering resolve not to snap the little shit’s neck and just toss him into a dumpster.

How had it come to this? One moment he was getting himself exhilarated over the fact that he would see Stiles, feel him, smell him and next thing he was being kissed by someone Derek could pledge by now he hated in his guts. And not just that but it was in front of the one person Derek would never actually want to witness something like this … ever. And it was by Stiles’s supposed boyfriend none the less. Even being a werewolf could not compare to the madness of all this.

Ryan made a garbling noise when he started to regain consciousness. Derek was feeling way too out of his element yet and briefly considered knocking the blond out again. One, it would give him more time to think. Two, it would feel good. Option two was viciously tempting.

But Derek also wanted to ask the clown a few questions. So better do it now or lose whatever restraint he might have still had. At this point it was questionable if there was any at all.

“Owww my God.” Ryan groaned while staggering to sit up, obviously still quite disoriented. He was clutching the back of his head where it had slammed against the wall. Derek felt no sympathy for him whatsoever.

When the blond finally blinked the dizziness away he took a confused look around and when he noticed Derek’s brooding form he scrambled back with a yelp and plastered himself to the wall. “Don’t come near me!” His voice was thin and panicked, there was nothing left of his previous cool façade.

Derek lifted a non-amused eyebrow and slammed his fist on the bricks next to the blond’s head, crouching menacingly over him. Little pieces of red clay flew between them. Ryan yelped and shielded his face, lifting his hands in surrender.

“Now that I have your attention after the little fiasco you just pulled, how about you tell me a thing or two?” Derek growled in his most menacing voice. He didn’t really have to fake it. A bit of his wolf was leaking out and making his voice a deep gurgle. He wasn’t trying all that much to suppress it.

“My credit card is not with me man. It’s up in my room, I swear. Please, I’ll get it for you. My parents are rich. You’ll get enough money. Just don’t hurt me, please!”

“It’s not your money that I want. Tell me about Stiles!”

Ryan pulled down his hands a little bit looking confused. “Stiles? Doe-eyes?” Derek’s very realistic growl brought him back to focus and he tried to scramble back but there wasn’t much where he could go. “Yes, sure, what do you want to know?”

“Why did you kiss me? Aren’t you two a couple?”

“What? With Stiles? No! I mean, sure we have been fooling around for some time. He is still kind of playing hard to get but I guess he is doing it cus he has a crush on me and I’ve told him I don’t do boyfriends.”

Derek was trying to wrap his head around this new information. So not an official couple but still … intimate. “So you don’t want to be Stiles’s boyfriend even though he wants to be with you?” Such a notion was unfathomable to him.

Some of Ryan’s usual bravado slipped back and he gave a cocky smile obviously pleased with himself in some way.

“Yeah he is cute. And he is obviously very inexperienced which is always so much fun to … you know.“ He gave a suggestive lift of his eyebrows. “I just can’t restrict myself to one person. Sure he has an ass to die for but -“

Derek’s growl was deep and menacing. He bashed Ryan on the head so hard that it actually bounced back twice before the blond crumbled to an unconscious lump yet again.

***

The werewolf in him was hardly satisfied but the human in him felt a small zing of satisfaction at the wet spot forming on Ryan’s crotch. He almost wished he was there for the little prick’s return to the party with peed pants, a huge headache and a bump on the back of his head. Make that two bumps.

But he wouldn’t be. Because thinking about the party brought back major levels of anxiety. What was Derek supposed to do now? How was he supposed to face Stiles again? He had successfully ruined whatever semblance of friendship they had managed to build over the years, not to even mention the possibility of any romantic inclination Stiles might have eventually, sometime, may be formed towards him?

But how could anything like this ever happen now? Not only was Stiles in love with someone else but Derek had deemed it appropriate to get all intimate with that someone after knowing him for a total of two hours. Even if Stiles moved on and wasn’t crushing on this particular individual, he would never ever consider Derek as a romantic interest. Not when he would think that Derek was the kind of person who just went around and kissed other people’s crushes.

He could try and explain, use his big boy words for once, describe the situation and how it really was not his fault. But he didn’t think it would make much of a difference. Because the hard fact was that Ryan had gone for a guy he had just met on Stiles’s own birthday party. And nothing Derek could say would ever change that.

Derek slammed his hands on the steering wheel of his Camaro and wished he had had the balls to be man enough to wait two more days for Stiles to come home. Then none of this shit would have ever happened and he would have been able to continue to live in the delusion that he might actually have a chance with Stiles. Even if that would be if aliens invaded Earth and they were the only two people left alive. Now, he didn’t stand a chance even then.

What was his life?

***

Derek sent a quick message to Scott and told him he was heading back. Something about having enough of all the noisy and smelly teenagers. It sounded authentic enough. Scott could pitch a ride back with Lydia.

At this point Derek only wanted to lock himself in his den and never ever leave it. He tried not to drive like a mad man but his heart was still beating haphazardly in his chest, his ears were ringing and he had taken a couple of turns with way more speed than he should have.

When did he manage to become such an emotional wreck? Yes, he had had a problem with his emotions after the fire but who wouldn’t? All your family dead, your life drastically changing forever, happy thoughts hadn’t really been on his agenda. But he had learned to control his grief. And with it all types of emotions. There weren’t all that many anyways.

But here came Stiles, a little ball of sizzling energy and a never shutting mouth. And somehow, impossibly so, he had started to make Derek feel again. All those little emotions Derek thought he was too dead inside to ever experience again had come back crushing with a vengeance. Trepidation, embarrassment, devotion, longing, jealousy … love, and all of them for one single person who would never even know what a tremendous impact he had had on a lone wolf’s life.

But there had been one more emotion that had been unlocked. Greed. Derek was greedy. He was greedy for a life he knew he would never have. A life with Stiles by his side not only as a chatty and concerned friend but as a lover, a partner, a boyfriend.

Yeah, too bad that judging by what Stiles liked in the face of Ryan, Derek wasn’t really boyfriend material.

***

Derek holed himself in his apartment. He didn’t answer the phone, only a few texts so that he would avoid anyone coming over but that was it. Scott was a bit more insistent in the beginning but gave up soon enough. It was kind of a sad testimony to how used to his bad moods everyone were not to consider it a big deal when he suddenly decided to shut everyone and everything out.

For two days he banged his head on different surfaces all over the place. Sometime metaphorically, sometimes quite literally. He stood under the shower spray until the water turned icy cold and didn’t move for a long time even then. He looked out the window for hours then spent some more time banging his head against the cool glass surface. He relived the events around that cursed kiss a hundred times over and a hundred times again. He had thought of countless scenarios with how things could have gone a different way. But they hadn’t. None of it had.

The day he knew Stiles would be back from school Derek found his heart clenched even more than the permanent spasm it was suffering for the last 48 hours. He still hadn’t figured out a way to meet the young man for the first time after what happened that didn’t end up with him saying things that could no longer be said.

He found himself glancing at his phone every few minutes. Every time Stiles came back home there would be a small gathering in his honor. They would just hang around either in Stiles’s house or at Derek’s, drink beer and eat pizza and enjoy being together. Derek loathed to admit how much he loved those gatherings and how touched he felt that he got invited every single time.

The moment the sun set behind the taller buildings and dim light was all that was left in the apartment Derek realized his eyes were prickly.

His phone never rang that day even though Derek starred at it till the little hours of the night.

***

It was another two days later when Derek heard the familiar sound of Stiles’ jeep and almost thought he was hallucinating. He was still having a hard time believing it even while watching Stiles’s park in front of his building. Derek’s unfocused eyes saw his own ragged reflection in the glass and if Stiles wasn’t heading for the stairs he wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass that he looked like shit. It was only adequate as he felt like shit too.

His hair was all messed up, his beard was overgrown and unkempt in a way he rarely wore it except when running through the forest for his life for days on time. His black tank-top smelled funny and there were boxes of half-eaten containers all over the kitchen counter which to a human’s nose might not have been much but they practically stank for the werewolf.

And still he spent the two minutes he had before Stiles was at his door with his eyes closed and his ears listening to every step the boy took towards him, measuring his breath, feverishly waiting for the human’s scent to reach him. He was already standing in front of his closed door even while Stiles took the last turn on the stares. Derek could barely mind his own strength right now as he vigorously swung the door open the moment Stiles lifted his hand to knock.

Strangely the boy looked surprised to see him even though there was no one else who could have opened that door. Or at least opened it after someone had at least knocked on it. Or not tried to dislodge it from its hinges while opening it.

Stiles blinked a couple of times with his hand still hanging midair like he was still not sure if he had decided what to do with it. “Hi.” The greeting was quiet, way too quiet for Stiles. The awkwardness could be seen in the way he averted his eyes and tried to look everywhere else but at Derek.

And said Derek, the lovesick lunatic that he was, couldn’t even answer with an awkward “hi” of his own. No, he just stood there frozen, his eyes locked on the boy’s freckled face while taking deep lungfulls of Stiles’s scent and channeling all his restraint on keeping his mouth shut for two reasons. One, so that he wouldn’t start spewing an endless litany of _sorries_ and _please forgive mes_ and _I love you so muchs_. And two, because that would mean tasting Stiles on his tongue and he wasn’t really sure his will was strong enough to withstand the temptation. He would just fling himself forward, burry his nose in Stiles’s neck and scare the shit out of the boy.

Derek felt stripped, deprived, shaken. The last two years hadn’t really been easy with him lusting after a teenage boy but he wasn’t a mindless maniac. He could restrain himself. At least till today. Today was different. Today he knew he might be seeing the boy for the last time and this changed everything.

Having some deluded hope that may be, someday, somehow Stiles could actually look his way was one thing. It was still hope. But knowing that he couldn’t have even that made him more desperate than he knew he could ever be. And he had been so sure he knew despair in its ugliest.

Stiles’s eyes finally locked with his and it was good to see some of the boy’s usual playfulness return to his features. It actually made it easier to risk a breath.

“I did not actually expect chocolate and champagne as a welcome but at least to be let inside?” The werewolf had been standing frozen at the entrance too long. Derek’s reply was an eloquent grunt before he let Stiles in and closed the door behind them. He still found it difficult not to stare but if Stiles was going to give him the present of a normal conversation how could he refuse. The least he could do was try to be semi-normal himself. After all he knew his limits. He could never offer more.

“So you are back?” Stating the obvious seemed like the safest way to go about it. Awkward silence wouldn’t get him anywhere.

“Yeah, I’ve been mostly asleep for the past two days. Studying for weeks and then having my finals and the birthday party was really stressful. Speaking about the birthday party …”

Their eyes met and Derek stopped breathing all over again. Stiles quickly looked away. He moved a bit towards the couch and Derek noticed the way the boy started playing with his fingers, his pulse skyrocketed and his scent turned all nervous. He was preparing to say something and it was really freaking him out.

For a few short seconds Derek contemplated if it would be considered rude if he just jumped out his three stories high window and ran. It probably would. But he was still having a hard time not doing it.

Stiles finally seemed to have gathered his courage. He turned sharply around and cleared his voice.

“I should have probably called to talk about this earlier. But it’s kind of awkward so I didn’t really know how to do it. Am, about … you know … you and Ryan … I … well hmm … how do I go about this? I talked with him the next morning. And even though he was really weird about it, and I mean really weird and you know very well that I have seen weird and weird is my shit and very few things can surprise me nowadays with weird, especially in colleague … but anyways so - I talked to him about … that … and he said he was the one who … the kiss and … you weren’t really … and you left so … Fuck, I am not making any sense at all!”

Stiles nervously ran his fingers through his messy hear and took a deep unsteady breath. He was flustered and obviously very uncomfortable. His pulse was practically a straight line but he also seemed determined. Derek was taking shallow breaths himself and was still afraid to utter a word. Perhaps it was a good thing that they had gone straight to that particular conversation. Derek was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to play it cool if they had delved into random pleasantries. This was better. Like removing a band-aid, quick and … devastatingly painful. In no universe could this conversation be anything less.

At least on the whole Stiles didn’t look mad. Or mad at Derek. This was good. It was good, right? It could mean that they didn’t really have to cease all contact with each other. It could mean that Stiles could actually stay in Derek’s life and things might not be as catastrophic as the wolf thought. Stiles was though still in the process of saying something so Derek was trying not to get his hopes up just yet.

“So what I am trying to say is … what I came here for was to apologize to you. I know how Ryan is. And I know how you are. So it must have been really uncomfortable for you. For which I am truly sorry.”

 _Oh holy werewolfs_. A dreadful realization filled Derek’s head and he wanted to claw at his face in both anger and frustration. Stiles, beautiful, passionate, kind Stiles was here to apologize on behalf of his boyfriend to be. Who apparently did shit like going after other guys quite often if this was a normal occurrence? Derek had made Stiles swallow the hurt of seeing his boyfriend hit on another guy just so that he could come here and make sure Derek was ok. Because Stiles knew better than anyone what an emotional wreck Derek was and how he couldn’t really process human emotion even on his best days.

Mindful, caring Stiles was once again looking out for Derek in the most gracious way possible. And Derek had hurt him. He had hurt him like the first loser out on the street, ending up kissing a boy Stiles obviously liked.

Derek was so conflicted at the moment that he had grit his teeth so hard they actually started making noise. On one hand he wanted to gather Stiles in his arms, tell him that everything was going to be ok. That he was amazing and perfect and deserved so much, much better than what this pompous clown was giving him. That if Stiles just allowed him, Derek would love him day in and day out and would never need another thing in his life ever again.

On the other hand he wanted to go and find Ryan and make him feel pain. So, so much pain that the bashing against walls would feel like a pin-prick in comparison. To make Stiles feel alone and miserable deserved punishment of the highest caliber. How could that blond airhead not see what a treasure he had before him?

But no matter how vengeful he felt at the moment Stiles was his top priority. He had to somehow make him feel better even if it cut through his heart while he did it. He took a shaky breath and tried to work on something of a smile. It probably looked painful even to watch. But there was only one thing he could say right now that would help. And Derek prayed that he would be strong enough to continue living after he had said it.

“You don’t need to apologize. He probably didn’t know what he was doing. He had too much to drink. It wasn’t a big deal. He a … spoke a lot about you. He … likes you a lot. I am sure that if you talked … things would clear up.” His own words felt like glass in his throat. It cut him deep with every word he uttered. He was surprised he didn’t taste blood.

The werewolf didn’t feel like he could say another encouraging word for Stiles to get back to Ryan even if his life depended on it. But it also seemed he didn’t have to because his words did not have the desired positive effect. On the contrary, with each word Stiles seemed sadder and gradually angrier. Derek could see the emotions the moment they flashed through Stiles’s eyes and the wolf felt so confused he didn’t even move when Stiles grabbed a pillow from the nearby couch and slammed it right at Derek’s shocked face.

“You are such a fucking JERK!” Another pillow went Derek’s way and once again he couldn’t move a muscle. “Here I am trying to save face and not make things all weird between us. Not with the way I acted after I saw you getting kissed by another guy! A guy you had known a total of two FUCKING seconds. A guy who yeah, is the total opposite of me as he is smooth and dashing and obviously everything I am not. But a guy who also hadn’t saved your furry ass more times that he could count. And you know what? He can’t even count that high!” This time a half empty container crashed on Derek’s chest and cold French-fries crumpled to the floor.

“But you still dare sell me crap about me doing my best to get together with him? Even after he obviously has a thing for you and you know so well that I’ve had the biggest, stupidest, most obvious crush on you since the moment you climbed my fucking window for the first time!”

Stiles finally stopped throwing things. His chest was heaving, his face was red and he had clenched his fists to a point where they shook. He practically reeked of misery.

There were tears in the corners of his eyes and it seemed he was trying very hard not to let them spill. He took a few breaths and continued in a tone that was sad and resigned, almost desperate. It lacked any of the heat of his previous outburst and made his voice seem all the more deafening.

“I mean, I know you don’t own me shit and it’s not like you should care or anything but fuck _Derek_! If you wanted to tell me off you could have gone for something just a tad bit gentler to show me your complete lack of interest in me. To kiss my so called boyfriend on my birthday and now try to make me get back together with him? That’s just cruel.”

“Whatever reason you could have given me you know I would have understood. I would have even expected it. I’ve listed those reasons a hundred times in my head. Just to try and stop myself from thinking about you all the time. It’s not like I had any real hope to begin with, right?” His little laugh at those last words was so fake it almost seemed physically painful.

“You know, I even tried going out with other people just so I would get out of your hair. So that you wouldn’t think I am even more obnoxious than I already am. That you wouldn’t reach a point where you couldn’t actually stand me. So just a few simpler words would have been enough. Something like _Thank you Stiles but have you seen me?_ or _Just please stop embarrassing yourself_. Yeah it would have hurt. It would have hurt like a bitch but I could have taken it. Just not the _Pride & Prejudice_ fiasco you decided to cook up instead.”

“I knew you were not a kind man Derek Hale but I thought I knew you well enough not to call you a cruel one. Guess I was wrong.”

And finally with tears streaming down his face and hiccups wracking his frame Stiles hastily turned for the door nearly tripping on the carpet but not slowing down. He fumbled with the lock, his hands more than unsteady and had just managed to throw it open when Derek shut it back with such force that the steel splintered at the hinges and it felt like the whole building shook with it.

Spinning Stiles around Derek had their mouths crushed together in the span of a second.

***

Stiles made a wounded noise in the back of his throat when the force that was Derek’s entire body slammed into him. Burning lips fell on his and it was so real and so much like one of his fantasies that his body acted all on its own accord. His fingers weaved through Derek’s hair and he returned the fierce kiss with just as much vigor.

His ears were ringing and it felt like his head was full of wool. His body seemed to have a mind of its own, plastering itself to Derek and reveling in the feeling of the wolf’s strong arms almost crushing him to the man’s impossibly hard chest.

Oh dear lords, what was going on? This couldn’t be happening! Derek couldn’t be kissing him! He couldn’t possibly want Stiles like that. Especially not now, not after everything that had happened, not after what Stiles had just said. Not after the way he had just acted.

Stiles had been irrevocably in love with this man for so damn long, he had tried to show it in so many little ways, hated himself for so many different reasons, cried himself to sleep for too many hopeless nights. Derek couldn’t want him. Derek never wanted him before. Derek did not want him now.

Stiles pried himself away like it was physically painful to do so. He hunched in on himself, hugging his chest with trembling hands and tasting the salt of his tears all the way down to his throat.

“What are you doing? You can’t do this to me Derek! You can’t play with me like that. Please, I can’t just go back to … I can’t try and pretend nothing ever happened if you do this.” He took an abortive step back but his shoulders hit the door and all he could do was hide his face in his hands and hope that he could just disappear in thin air.

“This isn’t right. Is it from some sick sense of justice, some wolf need to care for the pack? Trying to make things right in your own twisted way? Because I know you do shit like this Derek, like all the fucking time. But not now. This can’t work for me Derek. And it can’t for you either. So just … stop!”

Stiles risked a glance up and the sight made him even more shaken than he already was. Derek looked wrecked. His eyes were wild, he was breading heavily in a way Stiles only ever saw him after a long fight. His hands were half-way up as if he couldn’t make himself let go of Stiles completely but at the same time was afraid to touch without permission. It made the boy want to scream in pain because Derek’s sense of duty and responsibility to his own pack was a wretched, mean thing and it would be the death of them both.

“I am sorry for calling you cruel. I know you are not. I was just hurt and didn’t know what I was saying. How could you ever be cruel? Look at you, forcing yourself so hard for my sake. For one little human’s feeble sensibilities. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for dumping this on you. For making you feel forced to do this. For making you think that it’s ok to do this to yourself just to make me feel better.”

Stiles couldn’t look at the wrecked man before him any longer. He had to get away from here. Somewhere he could cry his eyes out and scream his throat raw and try to forget how he had managed to ruin all this. How he had lost a friendship which had come to mean the world to him. How he could no longer bask in the warmth of a man who cared fiercely for his own and Stiles had reveled in being part of that. But no more. He had to force himself to stay away and try to burry deep what had been said and what had been done. They were both adults. It was the grown up thing to do.

“I have to go. I can’t be here anymore.” It would take time but he would do it. He would do it for this beautiful, broken wolf and someday, somehow they would be well again, they would be friends again. Just friends.

With one last longing look and a forced smile as a goodbye Stiles turned for the door. It was better this way. He knew he was taking away Derek’s right to chose for himself but it was the right thing to do. The bloody, painfully excruciating right thing to do.

“I love you!” Derek’s voice hit him like a physical force. Stiles froze and his stuck breath almost made him cough.

“You what?” Stiles’s voice was but a whisper. He knew he had a hopeful, endlessly desperate look on his face and he had to crush it immediately. Derek just didn’t know when to give up and it made Stiles want to both kiss and hit him at the same time. “What are you talking about Derek? You don’t have to lie. I told you – you don’t have to do this. Please, this is not making it any better.”

But Derek could not be deterred. He seemed to have finally broken out of his stupor and wasn’t backing down. He closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath, repeating those same crazy words. “I love you!”

“ _Derek_!” Stiles’s cry was outright begging. But begging for what he did not know. He hadn’t even noticed it but he was openly sobbing by now. Why was Derek doing this? Those words were not something to be trifled with. Not for Stiles. Not when Derek said them with such certainty. Not when they sounded so much like the truth. And not when Stiles didn’t know how he would survive if it turned out they weren’t.

How was he supposed to move on if he had this image stuck in his head? How was he supposed to give up a hopeless dream if it felt like it was just one kiss away? How was he supposed to explain to Derek that this was hurting them both more than it was helping?

But the wolf didn’t seem like he would hear a word. His eyes had gone all determined and fierce-looking. He finally seemed to succumb to his impulse and reached up, grabbing Stiles by the shoulders. The boy’s legs gave out almost immediately and they both crumpled to their knees on the floor. But Derek did not let go. He dragged Stiles on his lap, made him straddle his legs and after some maneuvering managed to make their eyes meet.

“Stiles I love you. You have to listen to me. I am not letting you out of this door before you listen to me. This is no lie. No ploy to make things better or whatever messed up thing you are thinking of. No act, no sacrifice on my part. Gods I love you so much that I don’t even know how to begin to explain it. The way you play with your pencil when you study, the way you stuff fries in your mouth, the way you laugh and brighten the whole room, the way you care about your friends to the death, the way you can give me a piece of your mind when I am being a jerk, the way you trust me with your life, the way you make me feel like a normal person, the way you smell, oh Gods, the way you smell. I’ve been ridiculously in love with you for so long that I don’t know how to be anything else anymore.”

Stiles was hiccupping and shaking his head in disbelief but even then his traitorous fingers were wrapping tight in Derek’s tank top like a drowning man clutching at a straw.

Those words … those incredible words Derek was saying just couldn’t be true. Nothing that wonderful could happen to him. It was simply impossible.

“But … but you never showed me any of that. I was flirting and getting all up in your personal space and sleeping in your freaking bed and borrowing your clothes and you never said a thing. Not a DAMN thing Derek!” His voice was steadily rising and the hands he had fisted in Derek’s tank-top were starting to pull at it in anger. The man’s flexing muscles felt like warm iron under his fingers.

“What do you mean I never said a thing? I followed you in your ridiculous exploits all over the city like a love-sick puppy, practically gave you free reign of all my property just so you’d stay a bit longer, lend you my clothes just so you’d smell a bit more of me. I can barely function normally around you while you just laughed at me and took twigs out of my hair.”

Derek’s eyes were starting to flash blue and his fingers were gripping at the boy’s thighs almost painfully. But Stiles couldn’t feel a thing. All he could feel was rage and frustration and a burning need for something deep in his gut that he had no idea how to quench.

“You can barely function normally while you are around me? Are you freaking kidding me? I can barely walk in a straight line when you are next to me. I always end up tripping on stuff. That time you gave me your jacket I was about to pass out from light-headedness. And every time I reached out to touch you in some way you would give me this tense, hard look like you were counting the seconds before it would be over!!!”

“Yes I was counting the seconds. The seconds to the moment I would inevitably lose all self-control and jump you like a starving animal. Because that’s the way I’ve been feeling around you Stiles. Like a starved wolf who locked himself in a cage in order not to devour you. It was so fucking hard to control every single breath I took around you. Especially when I had to smell fucking Ryan on you and wanted nothing more than to track him down and chew his head off.”

“And you are sending me off to make up with him and live happily ever after because of what exactly?”

“BECAUSE I FUCKING THOUGHT YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HIM OK? It took everything I had in me to be the supportive friend. Especially after knowing what a scumbag he is. And no matter how many times I bash his head on the brick-wall he will never be good enough for you. Ever! No one will be. But if this was what you wanted then I had to do it. Even if it made me want to claw my heart out.”

There was deafening silence after Derek’s last outburst. Stiles looked with wide unbelieving eyes while the words he had just heard were playing on repeat in his mind. He had never before heard Derek shout like that. No matter in what kind of a supernatural pinch they were in or how angry he was. He had never shown so much raw emotion.

“You love me.” Stiles whispering voice suddenly sounded all the more deafening after all the shouting. “You really actually love me.” It sounded almost impossible to his own ears but there it was. Out there in the open, finally sinking in and making Stiles heart beat a mile a minute.

Derek gave a stiff nod, his nostrils still flaring and his hands still firmly holding Stiles on his lap. Even in the deepest throws of his anger he had not stopped pulling the boy to himself.

“Really? Now you won’t fucking say it? After I am finally listening and may _actually_ believe you, you just revert back to caveman speech and give me a stoic nod!?! Did you run out of your word quota for the day? Because that tirade just now – hmpf …”

***

Derek slammed the boy on the door pressing on him with his entire kneeling body while he devoured his mouth and effectively shut him up. The wolf was utterly unhinged. Everything that had happened since the moment Stiles had parked in front of his building had sent him from one emotional rollercoaster to another. But finally things were starting to sink in. And if there was one thing that his wolf was clutching at with desperate joy was the single fact that Stiles wanted him.

Months and years of forbidden fantasies were unleashed in a storm of emotion that could be barely controlled. How was Derek supposed to keep any piece of his sanity and restraint when Stiles had given him the most precious gift imaginable – himself? It was too much to take in at once. Too impossible to believe that Derek was almost questioning his own sanity and thinking if this wasn’t just a delusion he was experiencing after being locked up in his apartment for days.

But Stiles’s pleasure on his tongue was all the proof he needed to know that this was happening here and now. That he finally had a chance to act on his feelings. And however many questions he still had, however many insecurities he still carried he just needed to believe that one thing and it would be enough. Stiles wanted him.

The kiss was hard and burning, almost punishing. Derek could taste the boy’s tears while trying to reach every nook of that delicious mouth. Teeth cracked and nipped, lips grew puffy and tender and Derek could suddenly no longer understand how he had lived without this for so long?

It took him a great deal but he managed to drag himself away. He still had a question to answer. He had to do this right. But he still couldn’t stop himself from touching the boy completely. He was already nosing along the line of Stiles’s throat letting his lips, parted and wet, drag across the faintly stubbled skin there. Stiles’s whined low in his throat and the vibrating sound under Derek’s lips made him want to do it even more.

When he dragged his tongue behind the boy’s ear Stiles’s aroused scent hit him like a train. It was amazing how potent it was there, a hundred times stronger and a thousand times sharper than anything he had ever experienced before. It made him choke on an involuntary moan because it was every fantasy he had ever had multiplied by the thousand. And he had had a lot of those.

“I love you.” His voice was breathless, quiet, true and permanent. He would probably never be able to fully convey to Stiles the magnitude of his feelings towards him. The gravity of what it meant to have a wolf completely and entirely besotted with his mate. The devotion and the protective instincts which gushed out of him and were entirely out of his control. But he would try. He would spend every day from now on trying to show to Stiles all the ways the boy made the world turn for Derek just with his existence. And the best way to start was by simply telling him.

Derek felt with his entire body the shiver that passed through Stiles at the words. The way his breath hitched and his wet eyes stared at Derek’s in a desperate plea, searching the wolf’s dark irises for any traces of a lie. Whatever he found in there must have been enough because finally a dazzling smile spread on that expressive face, and even with tears still streaming down, it lit up the entire apartment.

“I love you too, you stubborn insufferable wolf of a man!”

Derek’s entire body caught ablaze. Hearing those words was not simply reassurance of a mutual affection. It was breaking free. It was having a choice. Something which had rarely been given to him in his life. And he was choosing to spend his life trying to show that wonderful, crazy, impossible boy that his choice would always be Stiles.

It was a storm of grasping hands and bitten off moans afterwards. Stiles seemed to be just as eager to erase all possible space between them. With the help of his superhuman strength Derek managed to maneuver them to the couch where he had Stiles on his back in three seconds flat.

For a moment he hovered on top of the boy and Stales gave him a dirty, promising lick of his luscious lips while making a show of spreading his legs to accommodate the wolf’s bigger frame. Derek almost came in his pants just by the sight of it. If this hadn’t done him in the decadent way Stiles moaned his name when Derek crawled on top of him almost did.

“Derek! Fuck … this is so hot. You have no idea … oh dear God – aah …”

But Derek did have an idea. Because the shameless pleasure on Stiles’s face was like a pure shot of arousal to the wolf’s starving body. The way the boy raked his nails on Derek’s naked shoulders felt like it was directly connected to his cock. And it was ruining him.

He licked into the boy’s mouth with savage intensity, leaving none of its sweetness left unexplored.  And Stiles gave as good as he got. He made a lust garbled sound of a response to each trust of both Derek’s tongue and pelvis. Clawed at Derek’s back and pulled him down by the hair to seal their lips whenever they drifted away to explore more skin. Very soon Stiles’s deft hands managed to slip under Derek’s belt and squeeze the naked cheeks of his ass. The wolf trust down so hard that the boy’s head hit the armrest of the sofa with a soft thud.

“Shit. Shit!” Stiles’s mouth, as expected really, seemed to be silent only when it was being entirely devoured by Derek. When not he was either cursing, encouraging or simply moaning at the top of his lungs. Stiles’s voice had already been enough of a turn on for Derek. He had no idea what it would do to him now when he had heard it in the throes of passion.

Their jean-clad erections were rubbing furiously and the burning friction felt like a searing wound. Stiles gave out another broken moan. His eyes rolled in his head, mouth panting and wide open while his head tilted back in unabashed pleasure.

The sight of that unguarded neck made Derek loose whatever semblance of thought he had left. Which was none at all at this point. His mouth latched on the tender spot where neck met shoulder and bit down with his human teeth while he sucked like he wanted to suck Stiles’s soul right out. The bruise that would be left there would probably be visible from space. Derek’s wolf practically purred from satisfaction at the image.

One hand moved up to pull Stiles’s head back by the short hair on his neck and another encircled the boy’s lascivious body and started rutting with him in a fierce rhythm. They were both painfully hard. This wouldn’t take long. The arousal was so heavy in the air that Derek could literally get himself drunk on it if he wasn’t already.

“Derek! Oh God .. Derek … I am going to … shit … if you keep doing this … DEREK!!!”

The scent of Stiles’s cum filled up Derek’s nostrils and hit him like a hammer to the head. Oh how he knew that scent. And oh how wrong he had been in thinking that he actually knew how it affected him. Rutting in his own empty sheets with the after scent was one thing. Having it here, beneath him, with Stiles’s moans still ringing in his ears and Stiles’s vibrant taste on his tongue … Derek saw stars, galaxies, heaven.

His own orgasm hit him so fast and so hard that it left him utterly unhinged, open and vulnerable. His body couldn’t stop shaking from the sensory overload for long moments after.

They heaved together on the couch and even though they were both obviously out of breath none of them seemed to be able to help it, their mouths sought each other like magnets. The kiss this time was slow and languid. Stiles’s fingers in the wolf’s hair were gentle and soothing. Derek couldn’t help himself and continued to make short, abortive trusts with his pelvis which made Stiles gasp and hitch in his mouth. Derek greedily swallowed each and every sound.

“Holy fairies.” Even with a still spinning head Stiles seemed to find his words as easy as always. “If just rubbing against you gives me an orgasm which almost makes me pass out I have no idea how I will survive the real thing.”

Derek was leaving little bites and nips around the spectacular hickey he had created when the meaning of the boy’s words hit him. The quick image of having Stiles spread, naked and sweaty beneath him, much like he was now but without the obnoxious barrier that were their clothes, forced a very involuntary and a very tell-telling moan to come out of him. It was too late before he had managed to get a hold of himself. He didn’t really do well with embarrassed so he played it off by hiding his flaming face in Stiles’s inviting neck. Even there he could feel the big smile that spread on the boy’s face.

“Are you actually hot for my naked body Der-bear?”

There was no use denying the obvious. Derek was not ashamed of his feelings. He was just not overly fond of the way he couldn’t control them whenever Stiles was involved. “I am always hot for you. No matter how naked you are.”

He expected a joke on his expense or at least a bit of teasing on his blatant admission but as always Stiles surprised him and found yet another way to catch him off guard.

“Then how about me not only naked, but with your cock up my ass and my legs over your impossibly strong shoulders, screaming your name, begging you to fuck me harder until I have no voice left and you continue afterwards anyways?”

Derek’s elbows entirely gave out and his choked off moan was muffled by the boy’s inviting chest.

Lords but Stiles was going to wreck him. And Derek had every intention to let him.


	4. I hunger for you

“We really suck at communication you know? And I actually thought we had gotten a lot better at it. But to pine for each other for more than a year really puts things into perspective. And I’m telling you it’s just pathetic.”

They were lying on their sides on the couch. It was cramped and fairly uncomfortable but none of them seemed to care all that much. Stiles’s breath was still a bit unsteady from their previous activity, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes bright and happy. He looked stunning.

Derek was having a hard time between being completely enamored, trying not to be too clingy even though he was wrapped around the boy like a vice and actually listening to the conversation. They had gone through all that misery because none of them had the courage to share some of their feelings. Derek was not about to follow on that track anymore. It would really take him a lot of time to show Stiles all the ways he cared about him but for the moment he would start with simply being open with his thoughts.

“Telling you was never an option for me. I didn’t think I had even the slightest chance. But most of all I think I was afraid of breaking what we had. It had been years since I had had something so precious with anyone and the thought of risking it even for the chance of it turning into something even greater was scaring me out of my mind.”

“That makes two of us. But I was going to tell you, you know. It had taken me weeks to gather the courage, months even. But I had finally made up my mind. Worst case scenario you’d just laugh at me and tell me not to bother you with this ever again. I could live with that. Or at least this is what I told myself to gather the courage.”

“Was that at your birthday? When you started telling me something but the clown interrupted us?”

“Yeah. It seemed like a good now or never moment. Wait a minute – the clown?”

“Yeah, golden boy Ryan.” Stiles gave out a startled laugh but in the end seemed to like the nickname. Derek felt like this was his good now or never moment to ask THE question. “So you two … aren’t really together?”

Unsurprisingly Stiles did know him pretty damn well and it took the boy just a glance to the werewolf’s constipated face to know it was no time for jokes. He moved a bit to get more comfortable and leveled Derek with a serious look. 

“No, we never were. Yes, he has been trying a lot to get into my pants, and yes we have fooled around but it was never … fine I am going to say it – I used him, ok? He was too much in love with himself to ever need me to love him. Which for obvious reasons I couldn’t. And he was experienced and I was tired of being left out on the whole romance thing. So yeah, we flirted a bit, we kissed, we groped and that was it. Of course rumors started but it wasn’t like I had to explain myself to anyone or correct them because they thought we were a thing. I never thought it would matter.”

Derek nodded at the admission. It did make sense. Just because everyone had started making assumptions didn’t mean Stiles had to go after them and correct them. Still for a brief moment Derek wished that he had. May be it would have given Derek the courage for something more than stoic indifference. But knowing himself he would have probably just found himself another reason why admitting his feelings would be a bad idea.

Stiles’s intimate smile made him realize that he had been starring silently at the boy’s face while tracing it with his fingers. It was entirely unconsciously done and Stiles seemed to know it, thus the smile.

But Derek could no longer be embarrassed. The truth about how dumbstruck this boy made him feel was nothing to be embarrassed about. It was just new territory for him – being openly affectionate and honest with his desires. But considering how fast he was getting addicted to the feeling of being able to touch Stiles, kiss Stiles, simply be in love with Stiles … well, he could see the days where he made Stiles moan in front of others weren’t so far ahead.

“I hated his scent on you. It made me want to rip things to pieces. Preferably him.”

“I think I like you getting jealous over me.” Stiles rolled Derek to his back and slowly moved on top of him. He had a wide grin on his face which was both a bit devilish and a bit pure joy.

“Are you enjoying my pain?” Even while trying to sound hurt Derek still couldn’t stop himself from letting his hands roam all over the planes of Stiles’s back and the new position provided him with oh so many new possibilities.

“May be just a little bit. Mainly because I am still wrapping my head around the idea that you actually love me.” The boy settled between Derek’s legs and lifted himself on his palms. “Can you possibly think of a way that I can make it up to you?”

Stiles’s suggestive lift of his eyebrows was both comical and left little to the imagination as to what he was implying. Derek was just about to answer that there was nothing to make up for when Stiles’s wicked mouth descended on his collarbone and gave it a soft bite. The werewolf’s benevolent answer died a swift death while his fingers dug into the boy’s back.

Stiles’s mouth lingered where neck met shoulder. Some bites were aimed to leave a mark, however temporary, others just ignited nerve endings and soon made Derek a panting mess. But Stiles had other plans even though he obviously enjoyed the power of being able to tame Derek Hale entirely with a few well-placed nips and kisses. The boy continued going down, trailing bites and kisses down the planes of Derek’s now heaving chest and slowly, deliberately getting to the man’s crotch. There was a big bulge there that had never really gone down. Not with Stiles’s body still pressed to that part of Derek in any way.

The man couldn’t get his half-lidded eyes off the sight of Stiles unbuckling his belt and pulling down his trousers. They couldn’t go all that far but just enough for what Stiles had in mind. Derek gave out a hiss when the denim opened up to the V of his boxers, giving a bit more freedom to his straining erection. Stiles licked his lips by the sight of it and Derek could hear his gulp. The man was just about to say that it was ok, Stiles didn’t have to do this but once again he was rendered entirely speechless.

Stiles beat him to it when he buried his face there and dragged his teeth over the soft cotton and the pulsing hardness underneath. There was a wet patch in the middle but the boy didn’t seem to mind at all. On the contrary, he latched his mouth on top of it and sucked at it with a loud pop. Derek’s entire body spammed and his groan was loud enough to almost deafen the three hard knocks on the front door.

Stiles’s head whipped up, pupils blown, lips wet and breath heaving. Derek might have been the one on the receiving end but Stiles looked just as wind up.

“Stiles? Son, are you there?” The sheriff’s voice, even muffled, sounded deafening to the sudden quietness of the room. “Stiles I saw your jeep up front. You should have been home by now. Stiles?”

“Oh shit!” The boy looked panicked and hastily moved to get up. “Shit. Shit. I totally forgot. Shit. I need to go. Shit.”

Derek was still heaving on the couch, his teeth grit and the image of just a few seconds ago still burning in his mind like an iron stamp. He felt like he had been sedated. He could still feel the heat of Stiles’s lips on the wet spot of his boxers and it was making all his bones go soft.

Stiles’s lips pressing hard on his were the only thing that brought him back to reality. The boy was leaning over him, disheveled, panting and close to panic.

“It’s my father. I had a promise with him and I totally forgot about it. I have to go. I’ll make it up to you. I swear. God, I must have screwed up really bad to be punished like this. Fucking hell! Derek ... look at me. Next time I’ll suck you off so hard your brains will come out of your dick. If I don’t make it up to you, you are allowed to main and kill me. Leaving you like this is - ”

Derek didn’t let him finish. He pulled him down by the shirt and kissed him so hard the boy toppled on top of him. When he pulled back Stiles’s mouth instinctively followed but the next knock on the door made him freeze once again.

He groaned, his forehead falling on Derek’s chest one last time before he scrambled up again. He continued to mumble something about sins and torture and that he didn’t fucking deserve this and next thing he was gone. He obviously made sure to slip out without letting his father inside which was a good thing considering the state the werewolf was in.

Derek barely registered the door closing. His hand was already in his boxers and the image of Stiles’s debouched mouth stretched around the rim of his cock made him cum in the span of minutes.

Clearly sex with Stiles was going to be the death of him. Either the real thing or even just the image of it.

***

Of course considering that those were their lives and nothing happened easy for them, because why should it, next time turned out to be three days later. For the first two they had to chase around a slime monster. The same one they had been tracking for sometime and which had finally started getting out of the sewer for something more than to pillage a grocery store in the middle of the night.

They had known the thing was there for months but since a few robbed window displays were pretty low on their to do list, they hadn’t really put all that much effort into it. At least not until a shop attendant hadn’t disappeared along with his window display. It had very quickly gotten onto their agenda.

On the second day they had found the thing and burned it to a crisp. Derek didn’t really do well with flames but even he had to admit it was a bit gratifying to watch what a little flame could do to purify a very nasty situation.

The third day had to be lost to tracking the poor shop-attendant. Fortunately he was still alive when they found him. Very scared and very dehydrated from something the slimy thing had done to his skin but still very much alive. And that was all that counted.

Sometimes Stiles felt personally responsible for some of the things that happened in his little town. Because more often than not the moment he stepped there something supernatural seemed to unleash and get shit going. At least he couldn’t complain that he was missing out on stuff but sometimes he really considered staying in his dorm indefinitely if it would mean some peace and quiet for all the town’s folk, especially his friends.

So on day three Stiles sent his father on his night shift and sprawled on the sofa in the living room. He knew he smelled disgusting. He had been running in the sewers too long not to. Combined with all the grime and sweat it wouldn’t be a surprise if things started dying around him in mid-flight. Still all he could do was hunch-down even lower and just breathe for a few long moments.

Sometime ago he had gotten into the habit of circling days like these into the calendar. Days when they prevailed and lived to see another day. With bold red letters he would write _Huston we no longer have a problem_ or _Fuck you Nematon, we did it again_. It felt like a _fuck you_ day.

But first a shower. He spent a good half an hour in it, bypassing his room entirely because he didn’t want to get any of the smell in there. Squeaky clean and still warm from the shower, he stood in just a towel before the calendar in his room and circled the fateful 9th of May that was today.

He was just about finished when a puff of air tickled his neck and it was only years of practice that allowed him not to scream in surprise but instead close his eyes and shudder when cool lips gently landed on his shoulder.

***

Derek was surprised there was still some wetness to his hair. He had run all the way to here after all. The moment everything had been settled and he had washed off that God awful scent off himself, he had sprung out of his apartment like a pack of alphas were on the back of his feet.

Three days. For three fucking days he had been denied the chance to be with Stiles in a way he had dreamed impossible for so long. And the moment he was given the present of actually having the chance to fulfill his deepest fantasies all Hell broke loose. Because why the fuck not.

He couldn’t wait even a second longer when finally nothing stood between him and the boy. He had climbed through the opened window with the same ease and familiarity of someone who had done it numerous times before. And still he had been absolutely unprepared by the sight that greeted him.

The naked expanse of Stiles’s back still radiated warmth from the shower. Derek could feel it all the way to the window along with the fresh, tantalizing scent that was pure Stiles. The tip of the boy’s shoulders were a little red from the onslaught of steaming water, little droplets still clung to the dip of his back and some of them rolled down and disappeared into the crack of his bottom which was showing just a bit and making Derek want to dip his tongue in it immediately. The small towel could hide nothing of his long, beautiful legs and clung to his hips so sinuously that it left very little to the imaginations as to what was hiding underneath.

Derek could suddenly see white spots forming in his vision from lack of oxygen. When had he forgotten how to breathe? Would he be able to do it again if this sight was before him? But even if it wasn’t the memory of it was already seared into his brain. He didn’t think he could get more turned on by Stiles any more but obviously he was wrong. He had already been half-hard just by the thought that he was coming here. Now he was afraid he would come just from putting his lips on the boy.

Like the hunter he was Derek moved silently, purposefully, with a hunger that he knew could finally be quenched. His lips fell almost reverently on one pink shoulder and the taste and smell that enveloped him made his eyes roll in his head.

Stiles tensed for just a second before he relaxed completely and tilted his head to the side, giving Derek even more unmapped territory to explore. It was like offering food to a starving man.

“Hmm, I think someone has missed me.”

There was laughter in Stiles’s voice and Derek punished him with a bite to the neck. Stiles’s moan didn’t sound much like repentance but the way he arched and ground his bottom to the werewolf’s crotch was more than enough retribution for Derek. His hands grasped firmly at lean hips and pulled the boy sharply to himself. Stiles’s hands flew for support to the desk, knocking down a penholder and a stash of books.

“Oh God, Derek … wait .. I … ohh … “ Stiles continued babbling something but Derek could barely make out the words. He couldn’t take his eyes away from the sight of Stiles’s lush bottom grinding to his tented jeans. He was afraid his erection would burst a hole in his denim pants.

He could have probably lost himself in that activity for hours or come in his pants in seconds if Stiles hadn’t pushed him back. The only thing that allowed him to keep his sanity and not launch back on the boy was the fact that Stiles didn’t seem to want to go anywhere. He turned and put a hand on the wolf’s chest to keep him at arm’s length while he sat himself on the desk. He was flushed but he also had a determined look on his face.

“Hold there big boy. It’s not like I am not all up for good old fashioned rutting with you, believe me I am … like anytime on any vertical or horizontal service you might like, but I do believe I own you big. So how about we equal the scales and you get rid of those horrible clothes that are hiding that godly body of yours? And then …”

“And then?”

“You get to see what’s under the towel.” Stiles leaned back on his hands and spread his legs obscenely, letting the towel ride a bit higher, just the small piece of it covering a sizable bulge in the middle. Derek’s eyes dilated, his mouth watering and his teeth aching.

But Stiles was obviously overestimating his self-control. Or his ability to think straight right now. The only thing Derek could do was fall to his knees and burry his face beneath that little scrap of cotton. Stiles cried out and his hands flew in Derek’s hair.

“Fuck .. Derek … don’t … I wanted to … for you … oh God don’t stop!”

Derek had no intention to stop whatsoever. He took Stiles’s cock in his greedy mouth and engulfed him all the way to the root. The boy made a noise like he had been punched in the stomach. He hunched forward, his hands making abortive movements on Derek’s back like he didn’t know what to do with them until they settled once again into the man’s hair.

Derek sucked Stiles for a while, nipping at his balls and lapping at the pre-come. His own groans from having that taste in his mouth were muffled by Stiles’s endless litany of moans and curses. But this time the boy’s endless ranting was turning out to be like a song from the heavens.

Derek could do this for hours. It was like swimming in a pool of Stiles’s scent and being able to even taste it. He had not been drunk in many long years but this was close enough. His head felt like a ball of cotton on his shoulders, his skin was prickling all over and his cock was so hard it was physically painful. But he couldn’t stop. He never wanted to stop. He could feel Stiles getting closer, the fingers in his hair were starting to spasm with his every suck and the scent of arousal in the air was pulsing like an open heart.

Kneeling on the floor Derek lifted the boy’s knees and brought them over his shoulders making Stiles lean back to support himself on his elbows. This gave Derek the perfect access to move a bit lower and unravel the pink bud beneath. The moment his eyes fixed there he knew he was in a lot of trouble. The place was already wet and leaking.

His sudden stupor had obviously registered with the panting boy. Stiles’s heartbeat took on an even more irregular rhythm than the staccato from a minute ago but he still found his voice to explain.

“I … prepared myself in the shower. I thought … I was hoping that we would … I’ve dreamed of this so many times that I can barely think of anything else anymore. The last three days have been pure torture which had nothing to do with the monster we were chasing. Derek, if I don’t have you in me right now I’m think gonna die.”

Derek saw red. His hands had moved to hold on to the desk and the screeching noise of breaking wood was the only thing that made him snap out of a very violent fantasy. There were two chunks the size of firsts missing on both sides of Stiles bottom when Derek moved his hands away.

“Aw man, I’ve had this desk since I was in kindergarten. As flattered as I am you should have really … umpf … Derek!?!”

Even if he had managed to come back from the brink of taking Stiles right then and there, Derek hadn’t moved all that much further. He grabbed Stiles and threw him unceremoniously on the bed. The boy bounced up and down, his towel miraculously still clinging to his waist. He looked stunned for a moment but then his eyes widened while he watched Derek literally rip off his tank top. He was a bit more merciful to his pants. He managed to unbuckle his belt and free his weeping cock. It’d leaked so much pre-come that just a few hard strokes up and down made everything wet and slippery.

For once Stiles was quiet while Derek slowly crawled on top of him. The boy spread his legs, the towel riding up and revealing his pink asshole along with his heavy balls.

Derek licked his lips and fought the urge to burry his face back in there. Later, when he took Stiles for a second and third time he would lap and suck at that place until it bloomed for him like the little flower it was. For now though he needed to see his cock disappearing inside it or he would simply die from the need.

Stiles moved to remove the towel but Derek caught his hand in his and entwined their fingers.

“Don’t, leave it.”

“Won’t … it be in the way?”

“No, like this it looks like I am looking at something forbidden.”

“It’s not forbidden Derek, it’s yours.”

“Mine!”

With a growl Derek lunged forth and caught Stiles’s mouth in a wet, filthy kiss. His hips were already moving on their own and rubbing their erections together. It was a difficult thing to do but he managed to part with the boy’s luscious lips to watch his cock rub on Stiles’s puckered entrance before breaching it. He needed to see it. He needed to see every inch of his length disappear in this gorgeous boy’s tight bottom. Stiles keened while his nails raked over Derek’s biceps. Every pinprick was like another shot of arousal which went straight to his erection.

The sight of his open trousers, Stiles’s flimsy towel which was only covering his bobbing erection but revealing just the place where they were finally connected, the wet slurpy noises that were starting to fill in the room, the scent of Stiles’s sweat and pre-come … it was all too much. However slow and gentle Derek had wanted to be for their first time he could not. He would slowly rock Stiles to completion any other day the boy wanted but today he needed to claim his mate and tame the burning fire inside him for both their sakes.

“I am sorry.” His hips buckled sharply and Stiles cried out in return. “I can’t be gentle, I’m sorry. I need to …”

“Don’t. Don’t be sorry. And don’t you ever dare think that you want me more than I want you. Now fucking take me Derek or I swear I’ll turn us around and just have my way with you!”

Having all the permission he need Derek latched his mouth on Stiles’s left nipple and started fucking him hard and fast, almost animalistic. For the many hours to come Stiles cried his throat raw and the way he shamelessly kept moaning Derek’s name made the wolf snap his hips all that much harder.

***

Stiles awoke to the feeling of a scalding chest pressed to his back and wet kisses being trailed down his neck and shoulder. A big, strong hand was rubbing circles on his stomach and slowly but surely moving down towards his growing erection.

“Mmm … oh God, this is fantasy after fantasy being realized. I do not think I’m going to survive.”

He was sore and felt like he needed at least another four hours of sleep but his body still eagerly responded to each and every of Derek’s touches. He really had no idea how long they had been at it last night but Derek had kept on fucking him hard and fast even after Stiles had been so spent he had thought he would never be able to ejaculate again in his life.

But here Derek was proving him wrong only a few hours later. Stiles cock was back on track and more than interested.

“Would you like me to stop then?” Even while asking that the werewolf continued to leave sucking kisses on his wake.

“Stop? If I ever say that I want you to stop please exorcise me because obviously another evil spirit has possessed me. But … don’t you think that we kind of need to talk some? We’ve barely had the time to. And last time was more screaming than talking. Though some of the screaming was for very very good reasons.”

“Mmm you talk, I’ll listen.” Derek pushed Stiles on his stomach and started dragging his ravenous mouth down the boy’s spine.

“Yeah, I don’t think this is going to work at all. Not with you kissing me there, or for that matter anywhere.” His next moan seemed to be a confirmation of that. But stubborn as always he wouldn’t give up. So with a faked complain in his voice he asked. “So is this how our relationship is going to work? No talking, just having sex all the time?”

Derek had finally reached his destination. He almost reverently spread the globes of the boy’s bottom and latched his mouth on the pink, oversensitive entrance. Stiles’s cry managed to scare off an entire flock of pigeons from the yard.

There would be a time for talking and for goofing around and for getting into each other’s hair and for laughing and crying and fighting monsters. But for now, for a very long while, Derek was going to sate his craving for the gorgeous boy beneath him and even Scott parking in front of the house wouldn’t be able to stop him. Derek watched as his throbbing cock stretch the little pink hole to its limit while there was a knock on the front door.

Stiles threw his head back and his little ass started clenching around Derek’s length in the most obscene manner. Derek growled and slammed his hips hard. He was trying not to leave bruises with the way he was tightly holding the boy’s waist but in the morning light he could already see that he had failed in doing so. Faint markings were starting to bloom on the boy’s inner thighs and there were hickeys all over his collarbone and neck. The sight was mesmerizing and Derek knew he would put extra effort into not letting them faint anytime soon.

Scott’s steps could be now heard on the first floor but Derek only had eyes for the way Stiles met his trusts, his abused little entrance taking him so good. Derek had fucked him long and hard until the little hours of the night and the pink bud was now stretched around his shaft as if it was made for it. The sight of it - pink and swollen, dripping Derek’s cum - was as obscene as the way Stiles had fingered himself afterwards and brought his cum-smeared fingers to his puffy lips.

In the back of his intoxicated mind Derek registered the sound of Scott taking the turn towards Stiles’s bedroom. Well, they did have to break it in to their friends one way or another so …

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so lazy it's not even funny anymore. But voala, it is complete. I think I've been drafting this for at least two years. When I see it like this it is kind of scary :(
> 
> I am not as passionate about these two as I was before but they still hold a special place in my shipping heart. Thank you for reading :)


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